5 things we learned from Joan Vassos, Maryland’s ‘Golden Bachelorette’
Cue the trumpets! Our girl found love!!
Rockville's Joan Vassos , also known as the star of the first-ever season of "The Golden Bachelorette," wound up engaged to devoted insurance executive Chock Chapple .
On the way to happiness and that postcard-perfect proposal in Bora Bora, the private school administrator wound her way through 23 other suitors, whirlwind travel, worry about her elderly mother's health and the fear that she was betraying her late love by finding a new one.
But Vassos, 60, glided through the season with grace, humor and an incredible patience with the men on this journey with her. She's become my favorite Bachelor Nation lead because she was relatable, vulnerable and kind. Her bond with Chock seemed deep — he left the show when his mother died and came back to continue their connection. It wasn't just, "Look at you in that bikini."
Usually the biggest lesson on these shows is that drinking champagne for five hours on an empty stomach might result in footage you don't wanna show your future dissertation committee. But "The Golden Bachelorette" left some surprising truths you can actually learn from.
Joan's Lesson #1: It's OK not to be sure
Vassos met her late husband John the same way a lot of folks around here do, on vacation in Ocean City. After leaving the cast of "The Golden Bachelor" to care for her adult daughter and later becoming the star of her own show, I'm sure this all seemed like a novel lark.
That's until she had a brief breakdown, suddenly unsure if it was fair to John's memory and their life together. She worked her way through it, but it's pretty brave to admit, as she said on the show, "I don't know if I'll be 100% ready." The whole premise is the promise of true love, and admitting this might not work was brave. I, too, felt guilty about dating in the first few years of my widowhood. But that's normal. And it was nice to see that acknowledged.
Joan's Lesson #2: You don't have to do sex stuff unless you want to
The Fantasy Suites are a regular part of these "Bachelor" shows, where the star can spend the night, off camera, with each of their final three choices. This often involves sex, but Joan "took that off the table," she told me in a recent interview. She knew this might not be popular with the producers, but she stood her ground and didn't even consider changing her mind to please other people. That's something we all need to know.
Joan's Lesson #3: Fighting over someone you barely know is stupid
In regular seasons, the Bachelor Mansion becomes a pit of backstabbing and drunken accusations of "being there for the wrong reasons" because they're all trying to get the attention of the person they're all dating. The men in Joan's season approached this silly situation in the most positive way possible, talking to each other about their past relationships, kids and grandkids, and how cool Joan was, instead of fighting.
Dating in your 50s and 60s is a trash compactor of regret and frustration, but because Joan set a civil tone, the contestants followed suit. And nobody's Paw-Paw embarrassed them.
Joan's Lesson #4: Sometimes you win love, and sometimes you lose, even when you're hot and on TV
Heartbreak is woven into the fabric of "The Bachelor" franchise — honestly, it's a feature, not a bug. But the moment when French charmer Pascal told Joan that he didn't love her and would be pulling out of contention was horribly painful, because we've come to love her as a pal, and because every rejection when you're older seems like the end of the line. She cried that maybe she was "unlovable." It's easy to feel this way — I felt that way. Sometimes I still do. I never thought I'd see something so honest on television.
Joan's Lesson #5: Don't waste people's time
Like I said, big sobbing moments are a staple in Bachelorland, because there's only one fabulous Neil Lane engagement ring that's going to be handed out. Joan realized that she was in love with Chock after he met her family, and decided not to drag things out with Guy Gansert, her other hopeful suitor.
Rather than go through the motions of introducing Guy to her kids, she went to him and told him she wasn't moving forward. Was it sad? Yes. But she decided that Guy's already-fragile heart was more important than dramatic footage.
Who's to say what happens with Joan and Chock? This show isn't exactly awash in permanent couples. But our local Bachelorette did this job with maturity, honesty and good humor, which is how I would have done it. (I would never do this. But I know how I would if I ever did.)
