Adam Nimoy to sign copies of his memoir about his father, who played Spock on ‘Star Trek,’ in West Bloomfield
It was easy to love Mr. Spock, but it was complicated to love Leonard Nimoy.
Adam Nimoy delves into great detail about this in his latest book, "The Most Human: Reconciling with My Father, Leonard Nimoy" (Chicago Review Press $30), which he will discuss during his upcoming appearance at the Detroit Jewish Book Fair in West Bloomfield on Tuesday, Nov. 12. This marks Adam's first time in Michigan.
"I'm looking forward to it. I've never been to Detroit. It's legendary for many reasons. I love speaking to people about my relationship with my dad and 'Star Trek' and Judaism — all those are bound up in my book," said Adam, 68, of Los Angeles, during a candid interview at the New York Comic Con on Oct. 17.
A filmmaker and former attorney, Adam is the son of Leonard, who died in 2015, and actress Sandra Zober, who died in 2011. Leonard played the Vulcan named Spock, perhaps the most iconic character in the "Trek" franchise, for nearly 50 years. Adam had a complicated relationship with his dad. Yet despite their differences, father and son had much in common — marriages, divorce, addiction and recovery.
"I'm not an alcoholic, but I identify as one. I'm a pothead. I'm a wake-and-baker. Alcohol was never my drug of choice, but I identify as an alcoholic because I love AA. It's all 12-step recovery. I don't drink. I don't do anything," explained Adam. "My dad was a true alcoholic. He admitted it in an interview with ('Trek' co-star William) Shatner in (2001's 'Mind Meld: Secrets Behind the Voyage of a Lifetime' documentary) and went into great detail. I included that in my (2016) film, 'For the Love of Spock.'"
Adam's first book, 2008's "My Incredibly Wonderful, Miserable Life," chronicled the time he made peace with Leonard. "The Most Human" chronicles what occurred afterward.
"I think it's a great story about my dad coming around and being more parental towards me," Adam said. "Our relationship had been very troubled for decades. When we reconciled, due in part to 12-step recovery, he really started to show up for me. I've been sharing this story in 12-step meetings for years anonymously; they don't know I'm Leonard Nimoy's son and don't need to know. But when I talk to people about the fact that I had this horrible relationship with my dad and that 12-step recovery helped me reconcile with him, people were inspired by that. It felt like I should do the deeper dive and write part two."
After reconciling, Adam described his relationship with his father as "very close, very loving, and a lot of fun." He said his dad changed a lot on his own as his priorities shifted.
"When I was younger, his whole thing was his career; that was his priority. In the book, I talk about some of the things that happened with him that were very unpleasant, but I'm not laying blame. It's not 'mommy dearest.' I'm not pointing fingers. This is not your typical 'my celebrity father was not a good guy, all you fans out there' book. That's not what I'm saying. In fact, writing this book gave me more empathy for my dad for what he accomplished. He came to L.A. from Boston with nothing; his parents wouldn't help him at all," he explained.
After serving in the U.S. Army reserves, Leonard spent more than a decade appearing in B-movies and on various TV shows until finding fame as Spock in the mid-1960s and was nominated for three Emmys. Adam spoke about what it was like being the son of Spock.
"It was a mixed bag. There was this duality. We were once a struggling family with no money, and we were suddenly a celebrity family," he said. "The problem was I had a very awkward relationship with my dad to begin with. I just was not close to him. That wasn't a priority for him, which was fine. He was all about survival and success in his career. Once he became immensely popular, these awkward father-son outings we had didn't happen anymore, which was a relief to me, frankly. I just didn't enjoy being alone with him. He was not a hang-out kinda guy. He was very much a loner in that respect. He was not that sociable to begin with, very introspective. A lot of his personality was like Spock's."
He continued: "On the other hand, my father's Mr. Spock! Hello! That's freaking amazing! It's just the most amazing thing in the world! One of the things that did bind me to my dad was that I always loved 'Trek' and I always loved Spock. The reason why people hung on to Spock so quickly, so fervently, and for so long is this idea that 'other-ness' is OK. Being the outsider is OK. The geek, the nerd, the weirdo, the loner — it's OK. That's me right down the line. It's OK. Not only it is OK, you should be celebrating it. That's Spock. That's why a lot of people who aren't in the popular group can relate to him. Spock is symbolic of all that."
The two reconciled in 2006.
Adam was in recovery at that time. The turning point was when Leonard wrote Adam a six-page scathing letter.
"It was this weird combination of phenomenal experiences — mostly celebrating his career — coupled with these horrible arguments when we had a difference of opinion," Adam said. "That, in a nutshell, is my life with Leonard. Whenever there was a disagreement, it was just a nightmare; there was no middle ground with him. He was very difficult to deal with. He warned me of this early on when I was 17 and had my first big blowout with him. (Leonard) said: 'Arguing with me is gonna be tough. I'll tell you why. No. 1: I'm loud and verbal. No. 2: I'm a tough kid from the streets of Boston. You don't (expletive) with me. No. 3: I'm rich and famous.'"
Once he received the letter, Adam set boundaries and pulled away, which angered Leonard.
"For him, negative engagement was better than none. He was taunting with the letter. My first impulse was to write a 10-page letter trashing him, but I didn't because I was in recovery and we don't do that. We have tools that tell us to get a grip on your brain and stop acting out and reacting to people," said Adam.
A friend named Chris advised Adam to instead make amends with Leonard.
"I was like 'WTF?'" recalled Adam. "I didn't want to give it to him; it's a capitulation that plays into his game. My dad and I were all about the game, one-upping each other. I didn't want to play his game; that would be giving in to him — 'You win, I lose.' Chris said, 'It's not for him; it's for you.' it was for me to let go of my own resentment I had harbored against my father. Chris said: 'You're right about your dad. You got the list of things he did all throughout your life that weren't terribly kind. You can be right or you can be happy, but you can't be both. If you want to be happy, take the letter and make amends with him and move on with your life.' That's what I did."
And that's when everything shifted.
As a result, Leonard invited Adam to Shabbat dinner the next week.
"Then our lives started to change," recalled Adam. "He was willing to let go of his stuff against me at that point as well. His priorities in his life were different. Family was now a new priority for him. He was a completely different guy, not the same dad I had growing up. Not at all. He was much more content and relaxed. He was taking it easy and secure. He was happy in his second marriage with Susan (Bay). They had a beautiful home in Bel Air. All his investments were paying off."
Adam continued: "He was doing great and ready to start a new chapter in his life, which was focusing on family matters, including me. I was really lucky. It was a two-way street in that respect as well because the two of us had banged heads — we're both strong-willed people — and decided, 'Let's move on.' And it was great. I loved my dad. I dug the guy. I understood him. I loved to entertain him. That was one of my favorite past times I really haven't shared that much. I'd tell him stories and he was a good audience. ... I was also his confidant because he didn't have many close friends. I was always there to listen because I really respected and was proud of my dad. I felt a sense of pride and honor to be in confidence with him."
If you go
Adam Nimoy will speak about and sign copies of "The Most Human: Reconciling with My Father, Leonard Nimoy" (Chicago Review Press $30) at the Detroit Jewish Book Fair at The J — Detroit, 6600 W. Maple, West Bloomfield, from 7-9 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 12. The event is free and open to the public. Visit thejdetroit.org. For more information, call 248-609-3303 or email Visit Nimoy at adamnimoy.com.
