Caregiver discusses the emotional toll of the holidays as her mother combats Alzheimer's

One person, Natasha Carnell, said her mother has disease and lives in Seattle. Carnell is on a plane several times a year, spending weeks at a time in Washington taking care of her.

Carnell and Adrianna know each other through their work to end Alzheimer's.

Carnell said the holidays aren't necessarily filled with nostalgia and memories. Instead, at times, this season is a sad reminder that their roles have reversed. Carnell told Adrianna that she navigates this by having her village around her; "Her people," as she calls them. When she's so focused on her mom's needs, they're the ones who predict her needs.

"They will say, you sound like you could use a walk. You know, it could be a walk and talk, it could be a walk and cry," she explained. "It could be just a walk in silence, but with someone else, because isolation is not only horrible for the person living with and suffering through dementia, it's also very easy to fall into that trap as the caregiver because you get so overwhelmed by being the one who plans everything and tries to provide everything that you forget to ask for it for yourself, or you don't even know how to ask, or back to frustration and resentment you you're sick of being the one who has to do it all."

Carnell was asked how her extended family can be mindful of this when they swoop in once a year during the holidays. You might think offering unsolicited opinions or advice is helpful, but it can come across as overstepping your bounds.

"Stay in your lane because criticism isn't going to help... I will come to you when I need a suggestion of, 'Hey, I don't feel like I'm doing this right. Do you have any ideas?' You know, I think we, as the caregivers, we've earned the right to be the ones who solicit input, but what we need and most appreciate are just presence and participation," Carnell said.

Here's what's considered not overstepping your bounds: after asking about the person with the disease, ask the caregiver, "How are you? Is your well empty? How can I support you?"