Harriette Cole: I'm overwhelmed, and my brother's comment didn't help
DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm feeling hurt after a conversation with my brother. He told me that I was fat and suggested that I lose some weight.
I'm 30 years old, and I just had my second child a few months ago. Between taking care of my newborn and my older child, plus working full time, I've been completely overwhelmed. Sleep is a luxury, and finding time to eat a decent meal feels like an accomplishment on its own, let alone focusing on dieting or exercising.
My weight has been on my mind, but it's something I've had to push to the back burner because I'm juggling so much right now. I've only recently been given the green light from my doctor to start exercising again, but with the exhaustion that comes from taking care of a newborn, it's been hard to get started.
I already feel pressure from all sides to bounce back to my pre-pregnancy body, and my brother's comment just made me feel even worse about myself.
Should I confront my brother about how his words affected me, or should I just let it go? And how do I find a balance between being kind to myself and feeling the pressure to lose weight?
— Overweight
DEAR OVERWEIGHT: Your brother did not choose his words well. I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. Yes, you can and should tell him that his words did not help — especially since you are already aware of your weight.
Having just had a child, your hormones are still raging as you are getting to know and care for your child. Explain to him that right now, more than anything, you need a cheerleader and support as you navigate being a new mom. Perhaps he can walk with you or help in some other way to relieve the stress you are experiencing rather than fat-shaming you.
That said, you can take small steps to reclaim your health. I remember right after my daughter was born, I gained a lot of weight. I didn't address it for more than a year, and it did take a long time to lose it. Talk to your doctor about what you can do for your overall health — to regain energy and vibrancy and shed the extra pounds.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding "Living Together," the 36-year-old woman who is eager to get married: For a few hundred bucks, she can buy a wedding band for him, find a good time and place, get down on one knee and propose to him.
It seems to me like the best way to find out a partner's long-term intentions is just to ask them, but if you really put them on the spot with a ring in hand, you will get a pretty clear idea of what their intentions truly are!
— My Two Cents
DEAR MY TWO CENTS: A-ha! Be bold and see what happens. This is one way to get an answer.
The bigger point is to be direct. Don't be shy about your life and how you want to spend your time. Get your partner to respond honestly. The surprise of a ring just might do it!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
