How choosing solitude can free your mind and lift your mood

By Jamie Friedlander SerranoSpecial to The Washington Post

Bill Gates is known for his solitary "think weeks." The painter Georgia O'Keeffe often spent days alone walking and working at her ranch in New Mexico. And the poet Emily Dickinson wrote often about the revelations that can come from time spent in solitude.

Throughout history, artists, philosophers and other visionaries have had a penchant for solitude. But the rest of us can benefit from alone time, too.

"Solitude gives your brain the chance to reset and restore," says Robert Coplan, a developmental psychologist and professor in the psychology department at Carleton University in Ottawa. "It's a good place for creative endeavors because it lets our mind wander. Solitude tends to make us feel calmer because it takes the edge off of negative emotions. It's freedom from all of that social input. You're free to do what you want, think what you want and be who you want."

Solitude isn't loneliness

There's a difference between loneliness and simply being by oneself. "That's a really important point: Being alone is not being lonely," says Kira Birditt, a research professor at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan.

That's not to say loneliness isn't a problem: Last year, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy issued an advisory on loneliness, suggesting that it posed a public health threat as significant as smoking and obesity.

But you can be alone and not feel lonely, or you can be with others and feel lonely. "Loneliness really refers to perceived social inadequacy of relationships," says Julie Bowker, a developmental psychologist and professor in the department of psychology at the University of Buffalo who has studied solitude.

Choice also plays a crucial role. Solitude is something we choose. When we don't choose it, it's isolation, Bowker says. Recovering from an injury or secluding yourself because you have social anxiety, for example, isn't the same thing as choosing to spend the day hiking in the mountains.

"One of the clearest findings on solitude is if it's chosen for the value that it has, it's going to be a more positive experience," says Netta Weinstein, a professor of psychology at the University of Reading in England and a co-author of "Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone." "If it's forced on you, it's going to be a less positive experience."

The power of alone time

Although poets and philosophers have written about the power of solitude for centuries, there wasn't much empirical evidence to support its benefits until very recently, Coplan says. "In the last few years, people have really started to come out with concrete evidence to support the idea that solitude can be a good thing," she says.

Whether we've just engaged in a high-energy social activity or are dealing with something stressful, solitude can provide an opportunity to calm down and process strong emotions, says Thuy-vy Nguyen, an associate professor in the department of psychology at Durham University in England and one of Weinstein's co-authors on "Solitude."

Nguyen's 2017 research in the scientific journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found this ability to decompress from strong emotions, what she referred to as the "deactivation effect," didn't happen when people were with others, but rather when they were alone.

Solitude can also allow us to think differently and more creatively, Weinstein says.

Weinstein has conducted qualitative research — nonnumerical research that included in-depth interviews on the topic — and found that people "talk about solitude as the time where they can reflect, reorganize their thoughts, connect to themselves, listen to their internal experiences and emotions, and be creative in different ways."

One study involving 295 college students published in the academic journal Personality and Individual Differences found a positive correlation between creativity and people who prefer solitude.

A 2019 study published in the academic journal The Gerontologist looked at well-being and solitude via a survey of 313 adults ages 65 and older. Every three hours for five days, researchers asked participants about their mood and social interactions.

Birditt, the study's lead author, says participants had lower positive and negative affect during their time alone, meaning they experienced fewer strong emotions on both ends of the spectrum. In addition, irritation and nervousness were much lower for people who had tense interpersonal relationships. But interestingly, these people didn't feel lonelier.

Balancing act

Our attitudes about solitude vary greatly. Some people feel bored or ruminate when alone, Coplan says, while others can't think of anything better than having a solitary day. "That's one of the paradoxes about studying solitude," he says. "For some people, it's a punishment. For other people, it's a reward."

Research points to why some people might prefer time alone more than others.

People who can regulate their thoughts and feelings; people who have a more secure attachment style; and people who have trait autonomy, which means they naturally know what they want, are more likely to enjoy solitude, Nguyen says.

People who are optimistic, self-compassionate and curious about themselves and the world also prefer alone time more, Weinstein says.

Older adults also tend to enjoy and appreciate solitude more than young people, according to a 2021 research published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology. "Generally, people report feeling more peaceful and comfortable in older adulthood," Weinstein says. "And 20-year-olds seem to really dislike solitude by comparison."

One might expect that introverts would enjoy solitude more than extroverts. However, research shows that despite introverts spending more time alone, there's a stronger correlation between extroversion and enjoyment of solitude, says Nguyen, who also runs the Solitude Lab at Durham University.

She adds that this may be because extroverts are often happier and better adjusted overall, and it's likely their happiness and well-being — rather than their extroversion itself — that drives their enjoyment of solitude.

Although some solitude is good for all of us, there's a correlation between the length of time people are alone and loneliness, Nguyen says. "Because we are still social animals ... and we start craving social interaction."

There's no hard-and-fast rule for how much solitude we need, Coplan says. "What we know for sure is that everybody needs a balance between their alone time and their time with others," he says.

How to spend alone time

Whether you have 30 minutes or an entire day to yourself, you can make the most of your time alone with these expert-backed tips:

• Have a plan. Research has found that having a plan for what you'll do tends to be associated with a more positive outcome, Birditt says. Plan something you can look forward to, "otherwise, your time alone might be spent doing things that aren't necessarily fulfilling," she says.

• Opt for relaxation. Nguyen's research has found that calming activities, such as gardening, listening to music, walking or reading, tend to be most compatible with solitude. She adds that younger people often enjoy engaging in hobbies that make them feel productive and competent.

• Set down your phone. How people spend their solitude is highly individual; one person might cross-stitch and sit by the lake, while another might garden and go out for a solo lunch. The only "rule" Coplan recommends is being mindful of your phone use. It's OK to read or listen to music on your phone, he says, but don't scroll social media and consider muting notifications.

• Know when it's too much. If you feel anxious, you're ruminating or you're wishing you were with others, you're either not enjoying your solitude or you're spending too much time alone, Bowker says.