Innovative Resilience: POW/MIA Wives Who Changed War Efforts Forever
Some were mothers; others gave birth after their husbands went missing. Some were young newlyweds while others were experienced military wives of senior officers. Many received no news of their husbands for years – not knowing whether they were alive or dead. All were wives of men missing in action or held prisoner during the Vietnam War.
The Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency counts 1,582 Americans – many with wives, mothers, children, and families – who never came home. And during the Vietnam War, a remarkable group of women forged a path of resilience through innovation that forever altered the handling of POW/MIA cases. These women, the wives of soldiers, sailors, and airmen who were prisoners of war or missing in action, not only fought for their husbands' return but also reshaped American foreign policy and military protocols.
It's difficult to believe now, but at the time, these wives were told to stay silent, admonished by the U.S. government that their husbands' condition might worsen should they speak up. For years, many wives didn't know whether their husbands were missing, dead, or alive and held captive, and propaganda campaigns spread false information that the men were well-treated. Candy Parish Ellis didn't even realize there were other POW/MIA wives in her military town of Virginia Beach following her husband Chuck's disappearance when his plane was shot down in 1968.
Sybil Stockdale, whose husband Commander (later Vice Admiral) Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking POW when he was shot down in 1965, organized POW/MIA wives into the National League of Families of American Prisoners and Missing in Southeast Asia (also known as the League of Wives of American Vietnam Prisoners of War). After years of silence, Sybil Stockdale defied the status quo with bold interviews that challenged the Department of State and inspired others to break the silence. "Sybil Stockdale's courage gave other wives the confidence to speak out," explained Taylor Baldwin Kiland, co-author of Unwavering: The Wives Who Fought to Ensure No Man is Left Behind , in an interview with Forbes.
Kiland referenced the Hanoi March in July 1966 as a turning point in public sentiment, when film crews captured the beating and humiliation of 52 American POWs paraded through streets of tens of thousands of North Vietnamese in riot-like conditions. The wives "were getting nowhere – they weren't getting attention from military leaders, diplomatic leaders, the White House," she said. International pressure for humane treatment of POWs increased following the Hanoi March.
The wives' innovative actions were numerous and impactful. During President Nixon's inauguration on January 20, 1969, they organized a "Telegram-in," flooding the President's office with thousands of telegrams that demanded Nixon prioritize humane treatment of the POW/MIAs. This mass communication strategy brought unprecedented attention to their cause. Their action prompted Secretary of Defense Mel Laird to acknowledge the failure of a quiet policy and go public, significantly shifting governmental strategy.
The wives also used personal, innovative methods to maintain contact with their captive husbands. Coded messages in letters allowed them to communicate military intelligence discreetly. The POW/MIA bracelet campaign , started by college students and adopted by the wives, became a widespread symbol of solidarity and a constant reminder of those missing. Millions wore these bracelets, keeping the issue in the public conscience and applying continuous pressure on the government. The rubber band bracelets that are popular today are an evolution of the original POW/MIA bracelet campaign.
"It is important to recognize their actions were vitally important and culturally so different for military wives who had abided by policy so obediently," co-author Judy Silverstein Gray said in an interview with Forbes. "Never before had families and wives had to take their case directly to world leaders. You had women working against the military-industrial complex, but in a way the U.S. government could find palatable. These women were relentless, and women were generally not outspoken at the time."
These women's efforts brought their husbands' plights to national attention and laid the groundwork for institutional changes. The Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency, established in 2014 through consolidation of several existing agencies, is one such outcome. With an annual budget of $150 million, the DPAA is dedicated to locating, recovering, and identifying the remains of service members killed in action, providing closure to families from all wars.
The wives' contributions also prompted a cultural shift within the military and society. The establishment of ombudsman programs and "thank you for your service" regularly offered to modern servicemembers and veterans are just two examples of their lasting influence in the aftermath of the poor treatment of returning Vietnam veterans. The Navy Ombudsman of the Year award, named after Sybil Stockdale, is a testament to the wives' enduring legacy.
The story of the POW/MIA wives during the Vietnam War is one not just of personal struggle but also of remarkable ingenuity and resilience. Their actions reshaped how the U.S. handles POW/MIA cases, ensuring that no soldier is left behind. As one of the wives, Andrea Rander reflected, "If we can continue these lessons to the next generation, we can see what can be done." Rander's status as the Black wife of an enlisted man when most POWs were White officers makes her courage that much more notable.
In the words of Bob Brudno, the brother of Captain Alan Brudno, who was held captive for seven and a half years, "What these wives did – without intending to – was raise the profile and value of POW/MIAs." He described the North Vietnamese captors as the "Far Enemy," with the "Near Enemy" being the U.S.-based anti-war movement spreading propaganda that POWs were well-treated. "There have been no American troops left behind in the war in Afghanistan," he said, which underscores the profound and lasting impact of their efforts.
"These wives did amazing things, groundbreaking work, and changed foreign policy," Kiland said. She referenced the rescues of Scott O'Grady and Jessica Lynch as examples. "We now go to the ends of the earth to rescue just one person. We have these women to thank." Silverstein Gray emphasized this point, saying, "These wives didn't just change foreign policy, they changed the world. Many countries now take great pains to account for their missing. It's because of these wives and what they achieved."
Their legacy is a powerful reminder of the enduring strength and influence of determined individuals who work innovatively to effect change.
