National opinion: MAGA billionaires have seized the political system
MAGA Republicans have finally homed in on a 10-point formula that works for obtaining political and economic power. And they are never going to ditch it.
Pandering conspiracy theories to high school grads rather than trying to impress college grads with knowledge of history and science is one key. Those blue-collar kids never paid much attention to social studies during their 12-year ordeal in school. Education was too boring compared to skating the internet on their phones during class. They want crazy gossip, and the more the better.
Falsely blaming others for exhibiting one's own manifest faults works extremely well too. This is called "projecting" in the parlance of psychology and "smearing" in communist political science. Doing this upsets Democrats to no end and causes them to swoon with great anxiety and lose sight of any reasonable path to success.
Lying is the new truth-telling. We told the truth for 400 years on the North American continent and this people are clearly getting tired of it. No fun at all. Very slow path to power. We also covered up the flesh in public places, and men and women are so over that too.
Republicans will steadfastly keep AR-15s legal for the many mentally unstable citizens of our country to purchase and utilize at their own pleasure. Those violence-minded folks provide almost nightly entertainment for law-abiding citizens looking for ever-more insane true-crime stories and reality TV. All this anti-civic entertainment in turn is necessary for preventing America from returning to serious participation in democracy on any level of government. Why participate if you are just going to get shot to bits when you step out in public? In addition, all the blood and guts make us want to lean on Republican despots, authoritarians, dictators, and tyrants for security because they are the only ones who can fix things.
Republicans will continue to elaborate the political philosophy of autocracy and monarchy. This is the idea that one human being is just so much more special than others that he must make all the laws instead of Congress making them. Furthermore, his DNA is the key to keeping stability in the nation, so it is clearly best for him to pass on the reins of government to his first-born son.
Making barrels of money and thus becoming an untouchable celebrity is the only cherished path to personal success for Republicans today. Encouraging everybody to become a gold digger by investing in new kinds of currency and supporting wild new technologies is the perfect answer to the plodding, science-based small-business capitalism that built this country.
We must also turn America into a false advertising mecca. If propaganda works in Republican politics, it surely works just as well in Republican business and banking. Marketing departments must build fantastic new fantasy worlds through advertising campaigns in order to marginalize the competition and become a monopoly in the industry. Those monopolies can then more easily use the Citizens United decision to purchase the budding new Republicans they want to see governing things.
Religion must maintain all the doctrines that theologists and politicians cooked up during the Dark Ages to make the Roman Catholic church the ruler of all of Europe. Citizens must be charmed into swallowing them whole, never bothering to digest them, for that might cause alarm and insight. Protestant churches must also move forward toward to an authoritarian system of church government that will allow them to quickly marshal their members to support Republican candidates.
Republicans must double-down on the problem of childless cat ladies. Those who avoid child-rearing do not understand the imperative of the aristocratic class and the monarchy to produce heirs to pass along their wealth to. Besides, child rearing in the commoner class is meritorious because it populates the underclass that must do the economic bidding of the Republican aristocracy.
If DNA works in aristocracy and monarchy, it also works in race relations. White DNA is much superior to off-white or colored DNA. That's just obvious to every MAGA cheerleader. Besides, colored folk tend toward communism, and that must be stopped.
Robert Kimball Shinkoskey is the author of books on religion and political history, and the history of the American presidency.
Subscribe to stay connected to Tucson. A subscription helps you access more of the local stories that keep you connected to the community.
