‘Redemptive vengeance’: How Pastor Davey Blackburn found purpose in pain after his wife’s murder

It's been nearly 10 years since Pastor Davey Blackburn's pregnant wife, Amanda , was murdered when three men invaded the couple's home in a senseless crime spree. Overnight, he became a widower, a single father to the couple's 15-month-old son, and a shadow of his former self — ravaged by grief, anger, and turmoil as he struggled to comprehend why God would allow such a horrific thing to happen.

It was the darkest of valleys, but if there's anything Mr. Blackburn learned during that time, God always shows up in our stories — even when we least expect it. He recently sat down with The Washington Times' Higher Ground to discuss his new book, " Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain ," which tackles what happened that day, the aftermath, and how the experience made him question who God is and transformed his faith.

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"I think it's important for everybody to share their stories, especially as they see the thread of God's hand in the narrative of their overcoming," he said . "Until I walked through a valley, until this tragedy hit my life and I lost my best friend, then I understood it. I understood what it was like to feel like you're being tossed to and fro by these emotions and I needed this anchor to undergird me and to keep me stabilized. And I found that God does that, that He shows up in your deepest and darkest need."

But it took a lot of time and a lot of wrestling with God before Mr. Blackburn could see the Lord's hand in his story. In the immediate aftermath, he was so devastated that he began to question his faith. He and Amanda had moved to Indianapolis just four years before plant a church. They had left their family and friends behind to follow God and His calling on their lives. So, when tragedy struck, he was tormented with questions of why.

"I had this idea or this expectation of God that as long as we were following after Him, as long as we were in the center of His will, that we were always going to be protected. We were always going to be safe," he revealed . "And it evokes these really massive existential questions of faith of philosophy that says, 'Why God? Well, why am I here? And why did you let this happen?' and you start to get really disoriented around that stuff. And I did, and it was an agonizing, agonizing next several weeks and months, and even a couple of years."

That wrestling, Mr. Blackburn says , was not only necessary for him to move forward, but it was one of the healthiest things he did for himself spiritually at the time.

"When we get into the valley, we really get to know God on an intimate level. And as I began to wrestle with God through these very difficult questions and these deep and agonizing emotions, then I really got to know who God truly is and that He's a good father who has good plans for my life," he said . "You know, a lot of times what happens is we take these big existential questions that we have, and we kind of tuck them in our back pocket and run away from God... And I think it actually demonstrates faith to take these really difficult questions to the feet of Jesus...to wrestle with Him... And in that, you find God."

But learning to trust God again was just one facet of Mr. Blackburn's story. He also had to learn how to forgive the men who had murdered his wife — something that felt impossible at times.

"You know, bitterness rots the hand that holds it," he noted . "Forgiveness is our part, and what we're doing in forgiveness simply is trusting God with vengeance. Trusting God that He is the arbiter, that He is the judge, that He is the one that's going to make all things right. And that we're not going to try to take it into our own hands, because that's just going to destroy us and the people that we love around us."

In fact, Mr. Blackburn soon learned that God would use his forgiveness to get vengeance on the real antagonist in the pastor's story. And it wasn't the three men who killed Amanda.

"The real enemy is Satan. He's come to steal, kill and destroy," he said . "If I want to get vengeance on Satan and not let him win twice in my story, then I have to operate in the upside-down kingdom of Jesus and have weapons of righteousness. And those weapons are forgiveness, love, mercy. And as I do that, more people come to know Christ and Satan is ticked off... And I call that redemptive vengeance. I think forgiveness sets us free and it brings an exact redemptive vengeance on the real enemy."

SEE ALSO: What I learned about God's mercy after the murder of my wife and unborn child

And as icing on the cake or "overflowing of the cup" to put it in the Psalmist's terms, Mr. Blackburn was blessed with another love, Kristi , who he married two years after Amanda's death. Now, the blended family of five use their story "to serve, to love, to learn, to grow, and to impact others for eternity."

"Redemption is when you decide that you're not going to let the enemy win twice in your life. You're not going to let him get you paralyzed and stuck because that's what he wants you to do is he wants to render you ill effective for the kingdom," Mr. Blackburn said . "Instead, you're deciding to partner with God to take back your story and to help other people. That's when redemption begins to happen in your life. Because your story is not just about you, it's about helping others."

That's why he wrote "Nothing Is Wasted," and why he hopes those who have experienced pain and tragedy in their own lives, will read the book, see "how God works," and "borrow faith, borrow encouragement from our stories."

"The only way out of your valley is through the valley. I started to come through the valley. And then as I started to emerge out of that valley, I could look back on the valley. And now I can look back and I can see the beauty that the valley is and what God has done in me and what God has done through me," Mr. Blackburn said . "But I don't want people to read this book and go, 'Wow, Davey's an incredible guy. Look at the hero of this story that mustered his way through the valley of the shadow of death.' That's not what this book is about. It's about an incredible God. And the reader sees that over and over and over at every turn."

"Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain" is now available everywhere books are sold.

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Marissa Mayer is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of professional experience. Her work has been featured in Christian Post, The Daily Signal, and Intellectual Takeout. Mayer has a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Arizona State University.