Robin Adams Cheeley: It’s time to ban the Bible
Dear F.A.C.T.S. (Fairness and Accountability for Teachers and Students) Chairman: I know using "chairperson" is woke gibberish, so I'm not.
Please note that I'm sending a copy of this complaint to Lt. Gov. Mark "Keep Your Skirt Down" Robinson. I'm not sure why he's not focused on men keeping their pants up. It takes two to tango. But that's another story. Besides, as the state's No. 2 man, he doesn't have much to do, and I know "indoctrination" stokes a fire in his rotund belly.
Recent interest in the quality of printed material in our schools spurred me to reexamine some books I've read. Forget freedom of speech; I don't want young people exposed to the vulgarity and filth that might mutate their malleable minds.
My review started with an old standard. A few pages in and one of the two main characters talks to a snake, and the snake talks back (gasp and grab my pearls). This fact alone got "Charlotte's Web" banned from some schools in Kansas because the parents found the passages about a speaking spider "blasphemous and unnatural" and descriptions of the spider's death "inappropriate subject matter" for a children's book.
But as I read on, a speaking snake was the least of my concerns.
This same woman's sons were feuding, and one killed the other, presumably because he wanted to marry his sister. The text doesn't say so, but who else could he procreate with? Who else was around?
About halfway through this same chapter, a man's daughter is sexually violated while out for a walk. Not sure if she was raped because the language is dense. Her violator demands that her father allow her to marry him. Although the father says nothing, her brothers consent, while also plotting revenge. They demand the town's men to be castrated and while they are weakened, kills them and abducts the women and children.
Books already banned for such explicit rape scenes include "The Nowhere Girls," by kidnap victim Jaycee Dugard, "The Handmaid's Tale" and Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye." So, there's precedence for this book getting the axe.
But this wasn't the only heinous rape. A father offers his two daughters to a mob. "I beg you, brothers, do not act so wickedly," he tells the mob, demanding he send out two guests staying at his house. "Behold, I have two daughters who have not known man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please." Insanity, you say? No, the father was showing hospitability.
And the girls, angered by their father's actions, get him drunk, have sex with him and get pregnant. Dang, they forgot to keep those skirts down.
Another father offers his daughters to a mob that comes to his house looking to have sex with the male guest who is set to marry this same daughter. She is raped and abused all night, and her near-dead body is left by the door the following day.
When the betrothed groom finds her, he carries her home, chops her into 12 pieces and sends the pieces to the responsible parties. And these recipients go on to become leaders of various nations.
In another section, a group of 10 brothers who hate their younger brother plot to kill him. Instead, they sell him for 20 pieces of silver, which is about $10 today. They then lie to their father about what happened to his favorite son.
All this before I get to the book's second major section, which contains more murder, men violently castrated, women abused, men leaving their families and traversing around the country staying here and there (even with prostitutes and lowlifes) and a man falsely accused of a crime and hung on a cross. The people attend the crucifixion as if it'a a festival.
Even the God who says he loves them allows famine, war and death.
It got so bad I skipped to the last chapter, and it was nothing but battles, plagues and bloodshed.
I couldn't take it any longer and decided something had to be done. This book is nothing but obscenity. How, I asked myself, had I not seen all of ribaldry earlier? What in the name of Sodom and Gomorrah was this?
Oh, I forgot to tell you that the name of this tome is The Bible. It didn't make any difference what edition I read; it was the same.
I ask that you move expeditiously because Oklahoma has decided that The Bible should be mandatory in all schools. Since Republican policymakers follow each other closely, I imagine some here may follow suit.
But I'm hoping the F.A.C.T.S. committee will handle this matter. I know Robinson convened you to root out the rampant liberal indoctrination in our schools. But since you've only met once, examining this matter would be natural for you. After all, Robinson needs a big splash as he continues his campaign for governor.
And what better PR coup than removing all Bibles from our state's schools? No longer will our children be exposed to such smut.
Note: As a Bible study and Sunday School teacher I know that this story is taking bits and pieces of The Bible out of context. Doing so is insane, and does no justice to the value of The Bible and its meaning. But it's the same process used by others to ban books.
