Someone in Chicago ponders life as a nonbeliever
Dear Ismael,
The transition from believer to a nonbeliever is a road filled with doubts. Where are the certainties of life to bolster one's confidence? I'm aware that there are no definitive certainties, there's only what one believes, but it's a frustrating struggle.
— Faithful in 60462
Dear Faithful,
I was on my way to the bar with friends when we started talking about death.
That was my answer when asked what our biggest fears were as people who come from religious upbringings and aren't exactly waking up for church on Sunday anymore.
"I'm scared of just stopping to exist," I said as I further longed for that Manhattan at Elixir in Lake View to calm my existential anxieties.
But, yes, after being taught that being tortured in hell for eternity was the worst form of punishment for sinners, somehow disappearing into a void of nothing seems scarier for me. Maybe, as a person who loves attention, that's my personal hell.
So I get what you mean about uncertainties. And we aren't alone with those thoughts. Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or "nothing in particular" has grown from 16% to 29%, according to the Pew Research Center . During this time, U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%.
Not believing in a higher being or eternal life doesn't mean you can't be spiritual or hold onto hope that things will be OK. When in doubt, turn to what you feel is good, and use that to define your own purpose during your time on Earth.
Why people leave the church
People might assume it's easy to stray away from God, but I'd argue the decision involves a lot of critical thinking and reflection.
Have you ever met an arrogant atheist who didn't read the Bible cover to cover, only to debate you on why everything you believe in is wrong? They're very charming. But there's more to it than just blind faith vs. cold science.
Scholars attribute disaffiliation to "existential security" — as societal conditions improve and scientific advances allow people to live longer, they have less need for religion to cope with insecurity. Other theories include declining trust in religious institutions, clergy scandals and rising rates of religious intermarriage.
Personally, I was raised Catholic and completed the three sacraments of initiation: baptism, first communion and confirmation. (OK, now I'm showing off.)
In college, I sang for the on-campus Catholic church choir for the morning AND evening Sunday Mass. In between those holy appointments, I would go to a Baptist church with friends to check out the vibes. And when I moved to Chicago, I would sing for an evening Mass at a Catholic church in Ukrainian Village. The only singer for a very thankful music director.
I'm not exactly an atheist now, but I'm not that person anymore, and I've been OK. Though I didn't always agree with everything that was preached, I can't seem to throw away the lessons I learned from the church — at least the ones that form you into a good person.
Make choices that strengthen your faith
To become more certain about our purpose in life, we have to take from the beauties of humanity and form our own vision of faith that brings us comfort.
Comfort when you give your cat an extra little treat and make their day. Comfort when you help a person in need and expect nothing in return. (You selfless king.)
To construct what your own vision of faith looks like, ask yourself: What brings me wholesome fulfillment and what does my reward look like?
For some, it might be eternal life. For others, it might be to simply be remembered by those we shared peaceful, warm moments with.
