Students share mental health journeys with hundreds at 'One Thing I Wish You Knew' event

If you or someone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "Hopeline" to the National Crisis Text Line at 741-741.

When four young speakers shared their stories of surviving through mental health struggles on Sunday night at Marquette University Alumni Memorial Union, an entire room full of over 500 people sat with bated breath.

The high-school-aged speakers were presenting for the second annual "One Thing I Wish You Knew," a community mental health event hosted by The Friendship Circle and REDgen , two groups that advocate for young people in Milwaukee and its suburbs facing a rising mental health crisis .

At the start of the event, attendees meandered through over a dozen tables highlighting local resources for mental health support, including the Wisconsin Office of Children's Mental Health and Milwaukee Children's Community Mental Health Services.

And later in the evening, the four presenters blasted through stigmas and, with pride, courage and vulnerability, divulged the ways they had emerged from experiences with depression, anxiety, grief, body dysmorphia and even narcissism ― not necessarily unscathed, but with more tools to face the forces in our world pulling them deeper into despair and hopelessness.

The students went by their first names only out of a desire to protect their identities as minors, the event's coordinator, Sophie Edelstein, said.

"Today is not just about raising awareness, it's about igniting a movement together," REDgen Executive Director Lisamarie Arnold said. "We can change the narrative surrounding youth mental health together. We can ensure that every young person knows they are not alone together."

'When you compare your life to others,' it does nothing but tear you down' When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, Shir, a middle school student at the time, turned to social media for comfort but soon found herself comparing her life with the lives of those behind the screen.

Social media can be "very toxic," she shared, "especially with society's standards of how a girl's body should look."

Over the course of a few years, what started as innocent at-home workouts, which were sweeping social media during the pandemic, escalated for Shir. By high school, she became obsessed with food, restricting and excessive exercise.

But it took a severe toll on her health.

"I was losing my hair in big chunks, to the point where I had bald spots. My skin was turning paler by the second, and I couldn't even stand, let alone walk, without feeling the room spin," she said. "I lost weight, but more importantly, I lost myself."

Shir was eventually able to transition back to healthier eating and exercising habits through a combination of factors: talk therapy with a practitioner who created a space where she felt "at home and secure" and finding a new source of community and fulfillment in a school theater group.

"I joined a community that really helped me flourish into the best version of myself," she told the audience. "Now I am standing here enjoying my life as much as I can, eating good food and fueling my body, hanging out with my friends and being grateful that I'm here in this world."

Shir urged everyone to remember that what people choose to share with you is only a snippet of their story.

"You never know what someone is going through, and when you compare your life to others, it does nothing but tear you down more."

'Mental health is a vast ocean that everyone must cross eventually' A unifying thread between most of the stories was how COVID-19 heightened feelings of self-doubt and isolation that can come with wading through young adulthood.

Daniel, another high school speaker, said being stuck behind a mask and just out of reach of his classmates and teachers (6 feet, to be exact) took a toll on his mental health and stoked feelings of disconnection from his community.

Both bravely and regretfully, Daniel shared how those feelings led him to treat his friends poorly.

"I just decided to submerge and suppress all my feelings, push them deep, deep down, and not care about them," he said. "As I kept suppressing the feelings so I would not appear weak as a male, this caused me to become a very rude person who did not care about himself or others around him."

When he realized that his actions were denigrating an important friendship, Daniel reached out and apologized. He eventually joined REDgen to connect with and help others going through mental health struggles.

"Mental health is a vast ocean that everyone must cross eventually, because that's what life is, a bunch of different journeys in uncharted waters," Daniel said. "But your choice is how you want to cross them, whether it's with people who love and support you, giving you a smoother ride, or all alone, making that a very difficult time."

'I am feeling, and that is good' Another thread between the speakers was the way traumatic events like the grief of losing a loved one triggered their mental health struggles.

When Mendi was 3-years-old, her younger sister suddenly died. It took Mendi several years to learn the language of mental health and ways to express and describe the intense emotions she felt.

"Anybody who's lost such a close person in their lives knows that the pain and the grief and that gaping hole never really go away, but the world keeps moving," she said.

Mendi and her parents joined group family therapy, which helped Mendi find tools and exercises to understand and work through grief.

"I didn't know how to talk about what I was feeling. I didn't know what I was feeling, why I was feeling it," she said. "I barely even knew what happened to my baby sister, but being able to draw a picture of us together, or write a message to put in a bottle and pretend to send off, helped more than I could ever imagine."

In middle school, Mendi said it helped to have therapists who did not invalidate her feelings because of how young she was, and it helped to leave friendships with others who glorified trauma and idealized harmful behaviors.

"Children's grief, anxiety, stress and fear are so often invalidated because of their age," she said.

"But we have a choice. We can tell our children that mental health struggles and feelings are meant to be kept in a bottle, not known or felt. Or we can inspire them to tell the world every single chance they get, 'I am feeling, and that is good.'"

Hannah, the final speaker, shared the way her world stopped after her mother's death in 2021.

She struggled with school and fell into substance abuse. It took two years, but eventually Hannah realized, "I wanted to live for my mom." She started therapy and was prescribed medication.

"There are parts of me that left with my mom that day, but I'm forever grateful for the life she gave me. And I will continue to thrive for her."

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