Your Sentiments Exactly

For the past 23 years, I've written this syndicated column about my adventures, misadventures and philanthropic ventures. During that time, you've responded to my commentary with hundreds of emails.

Since I've not always answered those emails, I'm taking a moment today to give a summarized response to several concerns. And even if you've never written, you may likely share the sentiments of those who have.

Grammar/Spelling

Some readers gently chastise me for my lack of a comma or overuse of commas. Sadly, I also battle with when to use "me" or "I." Or I misspell something, usually a homophone, words that sound the same but are different, like two, to and too.

Every once in a while, someone writes trying to convince me that there is no God. They have as much chance of persuading me of a godless world as the white-shirt fellas do who knock on my door trying to convert me though their Bible studies.

Some folks want me to explain God, as to why he did something in the world. I'm not too good at explaining God. Sometimes I gently remind them that I'm in sales, not the service department.

I get the theology critics from both sides. Pluralistic liberals sometimes read my column as being too limited to Christianity while fundamentalist Christians have suggested I might be working for the "enemy."

Readers have asked me to avoid politics and keep to my religious lane. I usually respond by saying, "I'm in good company with the prophets of old in talking about social injustice."

I once had a reader who seemed convinced that I was wisest-of-the-wise, but he turned on me when I wrote against the hate speech of Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern.

"Your column is no longer fit to line my bird cage," he wrote. I wanted to tell him that birdcage is a single word, not two, but I thought better of it.

Life Advice

But it has been the tragic emails that have broken my heart. Those from readers seeking solace over their lost child or spouse, or their broken marriage. Victims seeking escape from abuse at home or at church, both sexual and psychological.

Many other readers are lonely, like the elderly or terminally ill or the imprisoned population.

How could I possibly give so many people the specific help they seek?

First of all, the only advice I give is to refer people to their local clergy or therapist. I can't give advice by email any more than I can discuss theology by email.

However, I have been known to respond with a few guiding principles.

1. When readers share their life tragedies, it feels empty to promise "thoughts and prayers." These readers aren't seeking a fix, but rather to make their hurt known to someone who cares. So I begin with, "I've read your email, and I hear your unimaginable pain."

• Listen to understand before insisting that you be understood. Identify the emotions. Fear? Hurt? Embarrassment? Proverbs 18:13 says, "A person who answers without listening first is foolish and disgraceful" (ICB).

• I challenge them to consider what part they may have played in the hurt. I try to avoid prescribing a one-size-fits-all Bible verse, but I do hear wisdom in the Psalmist's prayer, "Search me, O God, and examine my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts" (139:23-24 NIV).

3. Finally, there is a little piece of advice I admittedly pass on from the Lord's prayer: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Forgiveness is the most powerful force in the world. But we must do it first for ourselves.

Sadly, I can't satisfy all my readers, such as the professor from a prestigious New York seminary. She had nearly the entire alphabet following her name, yet saw nothing socially redeeming in my writing.

"Your columns are nothing but drivel!" she told me.

I'm grateful for her comment, because ever since I looked up the word drivel, I take great delight in including a little bit of "hogwash" or "gibberish" in my columns now and then.