Kourtney Kardashian and the Moms Still Co-Sleeping With Their Tweens
Reality TV star Kourtney Kardashian Barker has defended her decision to co-sleep with daughter, now 12, until the age of 11, in a podcast appearance.
Co-sleeping involves sharing a bed with your child, and some parents continue this arrangement as their children grow into the tween years.
On the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast, the 45-year-old said that co-sleeping allowed her to bond closely with her tween, Penelope. She also mentioned that her mother, Kris Jenner disapproved of the sleeping arrangement.
The topic of co-sleeping is often met with strong opinions, particularly because parents are frequently advised against sharing a bed with infants and toddlers due to safety concerns like sudden infant death syndrome.
Despite these warnings, many families continue to co-sleep well beyond the baby years. For some parents, like Jamie Krenn, co-sleeping with her tween daughter, Emma, is for reasons of comfort, security and emotional connection.
"Co-sleeping with my tween daughter a couple of nights a week has become a way for us to reconnect," Krenn told Newsweek.
"These nights aren't just for sleep; they're for reading, catching up on life, venting about the world, and sharing some much-needed cuddles. Plus, the oxytocin boost from the closeness is great for our brains," she said.
Oxytocin is a hormone that plays a role in many aspects of human behavior, often affecting trust and relationship building.
Krenn, who is an adjunct associate and professor at Teachers College, Columbia University, as well as a guest lecturer at Sarah Lawrence College, a liberal arts institute in Yonkers, New York, told Newsweek that it's not an every-night routine. "We don't sleep together every night-she likes to sleep in total darkness, and I'm the one clinging to a night light.
"We make a point to read together every night and have giggles catching up about the crazy antics she witnesses in school. But we've found a balance, adjusting our routines to what works for our little family."
Amy Johnson, a mom of two young children, holds a different view. Though she slept with her own mother growing up, Johnson and her husband chose not to share a bed with their children, aged 3 and 1.
"Perhaps it's a cultural thing-I'm Chinese, and this is not frowned upon at all in China. I've heard similar things from friends of Indian descent," she told Newsweek.
However, despite hearing friends swear by the practice, Johnson didn't feel compelled to try it with her kids.
"There are certainly some positives I've noticed through both talking with my friends about their experiences and looking back on my own," the 43-year-old told Newsweek.
She explained that it's easier for kids to fall asleep with a parent in the bed with them. "That feeling of being safe and secure never leaves when parents never leave a child's side," she added.
In her experience, the downsides outweigh the positives. Johnson explained that co-sleeping can create difficulties for children who struggle to sleep alone.
"To this day I still don't like to sleep alone. That clinginess of not wanting to be alone or being scared to fall asleep by myself still lives in my bones, even as an adult," she told Newsweek.
Johnson also pointed to safety concerns, particularly for younger children. After seeking advice from her pediatrician, she was told that she should wait until her child was more developed at around 1 year old. "Blankets, pillows, and body heat are all factors that can create potential health issues when sleeping with newborns," she added.
Newsweek spoke to two experts on the matter, who both agreed that there were benefits and disadvantages of co-sleeping with a tween.
Sleep and well-being expert at The Baby Show and founder of The Sleep Nanny, Lucy Shrimpton, said that co-sleeping with a tween can serve as a way to reconnect emotionally, much like Krenn and her daughter do.
"Co-sleeping might also offer a comforting environment for children experiencing nightmares, big changes, or even early stages of puberty, which can sometimes cause feelings of uncertainty or emotional turbulence," Shrimpton told Newsweek.
Rachel FitzD, also a parenting expert at The Baby Show, pointed out that in some cultures where different generations live together, co-sleeping isn't uncommon.
"Whereas in cultures which expect more independence, the idea of allowing children to co-sleep with parents may be seen as an aberration and those who do co-sleep can feel anxiety and guilt," she told Newsweek.
When kids are smaller, it's an easy solution for parents to have them stay in their bed if they need comforting, which can lead to better sleep all round, FitzD said. But as children get bigger and space gets more cramped, regular co-sleeping with older children can potentially lead to chronic tiredness, she warned.
"There comes a time as children become bigger when the squeeze on space in the bed simply becomes too much[...]and some studies show that, far from increasing good sleep, bed-sharing with older children can make it harder to get off to sleep and harder to stay asleep," FitzD told Newsweek.
The key, she said, is for parents to set clear limits and boundaries to ensure everyone gets a good night's sleep.
"As parents, we should feel confident to set and hold the boundaries and limits clearly and compassionately for our children, helping them to develop independence and resilience while also protecting the shuteye of everyone in the household," she said.
With just two of them in a cold house and the mom admitting to not being a fan of the dark anyway, co-sleeping works for Krenn and her tween.
"Like many pop-culture influences, Kardashian's remarks normalize certain behaviors, causing families to reconsider their practices based on perceived authority rather than scientific evidence or expert opinion. It also just reminds me we're all trying to make it work too," she added.
This story was originally published September 28, 2024, 5:00 AM.
