Asking Eric: Stop bending over backward for rude cousin

Dear Eric: I have a first cousin "Karen" who lives in Florida. I live in Connecticut. We are close in age, but I don't have a close relationship with that side of my family in general. My aunts and uncle have spoken to me a few times in all my 43 years – at our grandparents' funerals, my dad's funeral, and my mom's death. Never a happy birthday, happy holidays or any phone calls. I used to feel so hurt, and resentful.

Karen always lets me know that she's coming to Connecticut to visit her parents. It's a half- hour ride from me to their house. For me, it's a long ride and lots of gas. I asked If we could meet somewhere in between. She said "I don't drive" and left the text thread like that. I feel like she has this expectation of me to come see and I have, but it was awkward because we don't know much about each other and barely speak all year long. Am I being selfish? I try not to take my resentment against my aunts and uncle out on her.

– Long-Distance Cousin

Dear Cousin: If Karen can't meet you halfway (literally), you can't get much more mileage out of this relationship. You can tell her how her behavior makes you feel and suggest that she find a ride and join you at your place for dinner the next time she visits. But bending over backwards to make it work? I just don't think so.

I'm sorry that your father's side of the family hasn't been supportive. If you think that the relationship with Karen can improve with feedback and communication, by all means have a deeper conversation. But from your account, you've already tried that. It's also OK to let long-distance relatives stay distant.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com .