Eric Roberts reflects on parenting Emma Roberts: 'I’m still not a father figure'

Eric Roberts loves being Emma Roberts ' dad, but he admits wasn't well-equipped to parent after splitting up with her mom.

"I had abandoned Kelly when Emma was just seven months old," Roberts wrote of his ex-partner Kelly Cunningham and daughter Emma Roberts in his new memoir Runaway Train: Or the Story of My Life So Far. "We went through a lot, and [Kelly] saw me at my absolute worst — yet she stayed, for a time, though I'm sure she questioned whether or not she should. We both wanted a child — maybe I did more than she — but we both wanted to become parents."

The Star 80 actor recalled the thrill of being a young parent. "The pregnancy was very exciting," he wrote. "I fell madly in love with Emma the first minute I saw her. We'd even tried to bring on labor so it could happen exactly on the due date. It was a natural birth. I sang 'Happy Birthday' to her belly a lot. When Emma finally made her appearance, she wasn't quite quiet and mellow, but when I started singing 'Happy Birthday' to her, she must have recognized my voice because she calmed right down."

Despite his enthusiasm for fatherhood, Roberts believed he wasn't perfectly suited for parenting. "I loved my little daughter with the strength of Hercules, despite my own weaknesses," he wrote. "However, I couldn't handle the realities of an infant coming into my life, and I couldn't handle being a parent! I'm still not a father figure. Emma, on the other hand, certainly knows what that role is — now grown up and a mom herself. She's that person to her first child, Rhodes."

Roberts attributed his lack of paternal fitness to his drug addiction. "The biggest consequence of my drug use was losing Emma," he wrote. "I was still impossibly coked up when she was born, which explains everything."

The actor also set the record straight concerning the custody of Emma, and how his sister Julia Roberts became involved in his separation from Cunningham. "The question has been begged, forever it seems, whether Julia and I had a giant falling out over custody of Emma. I'd like to clear the air about that, once and for all," he wrote. "I never saw myself as someone who deserved to have physical custody of Emma, not in a million years. We both knew better than that. Kelly never claimed I was trying to get physical custody of Emma, so therefore, Julia never sided with Kelly in a custody fight. There really was no custody fight. I'm very happy to be straightening this out right now."

Roberts said his sister helped the ex-couple financially as they established their separation. "When Kelly and I separated, we needed to arrange for child support and visitation," he wrote. "The legal fees were incredibly high, and I paid for Kelly's lawyer and my own as much as I possibly could. Thankfully, Julia helped, for Emma's sake and because she could afford to. I deeply appreciated it."

The actor said that Julia and his other sister, Lisa Roberts Gillan, wanted him to get his act together to support his partner and daughter. "Naturally, Julia and Lisa were distressed that I couldn't keep our little family of three intact, that Kelly and Emma and I couldn't make it as a family," he wrote. "My sisters were hoping that my having fathered a child that I loved with the woman I was with would maybe calm me down and make me more stable as a person. Unfortunately, the stability has to come first. It's not a child's job to make you stable."

Roberts doesn't frame the situation as a betrayal of loyalty. "Julia and Lisa sided with Emma and her well-being — but so did Kelly and I," he says. "The difference being that I just couldn't raise Emma on my own. We were a nice little family for a while, but it didn't last. I was in too much trouble."

The actor also said he's not worried about his daughter's ability to survive Hollywood as an actress. "I'm often asked if I have concerns about my daughter being in this business of acting," he wrote. "I love this business. I didn't realize, of course, how much it beats you up, but Emma's much stronger than I was at that age and time. She has more tools at her disposal to build a safe place around herself than I ever did."

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Roberts recognized that his sister and daughter have eclipsed his own fame. "I'm very proud of Emma and Julia for what they've achieved," he wrote. "I imagine I will remain as Julia's brother and Emma Roberts's dad for the rest of my life. I'd like to make good on that, to move aside proudly and with grace. That's part of the reason for writing this book."

Earlier this year, Roberts told Still Here Hollywood he's been asked to avoid talking about his sister and daughter . "I love my sister, but I can't talk about her. She doesn't wanna talk about it," he said. "My daughter told me also not to talk about her, but I stumble and do." He later said, "I'm not supposed to talk about either of them. But I do."

However, in the book, Roberts said that his daughter lets him interact with her on social media. "Emma gave permission for us to interact a little bit with her on her Instagram page," he wrote. "It's always good to ask, because we're engaging in a very public way. This is often what private life has come to in this upside-down, misruled world so dominated by social media."

Roberts' memoir Runaway Train: Or the Story of My Life So Far is available now.