Fr. Glenn: The Beauty Of Marriage

By Fr. Glenn Jones:

I'm privileged to have been asked to officiate at a wedding next weekend—one of the greatest joys for any minister. And so thoughts have been in that direction the last few days.

Marriage and children...two of the greatest blessings that God gives mankind while we are here on earth. We read in scripture: "My soul takes pleasure in three things, and they are beautiful in the sight of the Lord and of men; agreement between brothers, friendship between neighbors, and a wife and a husband who live in harmony." (Sirach 25:1)

In the divine plan, the coming together of Adam and Eve at the very beginning of the Bible quite purposefully. We read how Man and Woman come together in love as helpmates for life...that love often reflected in their bringing forth children—becoming co-creators with God in bringing human life into existence. What a privilege, especially for you ladies who bear within yourselves new life...new little images both of you and your husband, but even more so of God. Whatever our earthly achievements, they cannot but pale into relative insignificance compared to bringing forth new life created in the image of God.

Of course, we Christians believe that though our bodies cease to function over time, with an immortal soul no human ever goes into non-existence...and with the general resurrection promised by God, each of those little ones—each of those new lives–each of US—is literally eternal. Jesus' whole purpose on the cross is to offer us a higher and everlastingly joyful existence—seemingly "pie in the sky" except for the historicity of much of what He said and did, and the success of the Church via His teaching. Yet, we Christians also believe that fidelity to Him is key; our eternal existence is guaranteed by God Himself and so MUST be, but where we exist is a matter of our own choosing—through that narrow gate and challenging road of seeking good rather than selfishness and wrongdoing. (Matthew 7:14)

Now, the Catholic Church defines marriage as: "...the covenant between a man and a woman which establishes between them...life and love naturally ordered to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children"... children really being marriage's greatest achievement. For those who have the sorrow of not being able to have children, one can scarcely doubt that God will compensate them as they continue in faith—compensate them with love in this life and/or in the next, wiping every tear from their eyes.

Marriage itself reflects the union within the divine Trinity. As the Holy Spirit is love proceeding from the Father and the Son, so a child reflects that love proceeding from his parents. The Holy Spirit forms a unity of body and soul, indissoluble in the eyes of God: "...what God has joined together, no human being must separate." (Matthew 19:6) So, the Catholic Church holds that, by God's own Word a true and valid marriage is unbreakable by ANY power on earth—even the Church—and that's why it must be entered into only with much careful consideration.

Yet, even with all the broken marriages and the infidelities in our society's landscape, we still yearn deeply for, and hope to find that one person, with whom we can bond in the lifelong partnership of matrimony ... to love and to be loved, in security and to the exclusion of all others.

The creation story has God creating woman from one of the man's ribs ... from the center of his body, indicating that they are created equal before God ... each to be loved and cherished in mutual lifelong partnership. We see that as Adam says in relief and rejoicing: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Genesis 2:23) Finally, here is my match ... to share my life ... to share my burdens ... to be the object of my undying love. For they both, alone of all the earthly creatures, are made in the image of the divine: "God created man in his own image... male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) And so man clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body, one flesh ... and what God has joined, Jesus affirms, let NO man break asunder.

In Catholic teaching, humans cannot unseal what God has sealed, and even the Church has no authority to dissolve a true marriage; Jesus in the Gospels is quite adamant about that (cf. Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-8, Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18). After all, can a courthouse dissolve what God has joined together? Catholic annulments are not divorce, even though effects are similar. Annulments are the Church's judgment that something essential for that blessed sacrament was missing from the beginning of the marriage (true commitment, etc.), and there no true sacramental marriage had existed. But annulments are not given willy-nilly; marriage is too important ... meant to be binding for as long as both are living, as we say in the marriage rite.

But the couple must have patience with each other and work through hard times and frustrations. When frustrated with your spouse, know that you, too, have imperfections and quirks which THEY have to put up with. Certainly there are times there are unreasonable and abusive relationships; even Church law recognizes that sometimes separation is warranted. But studies show that normal couples who have problems and work through them—sometimes even for years—end up having some of the strongest marriages.

Finally, young people: remember that bodily relations are holy, and for marriage only ... to increase the love and strength of union between husband and wife, and to bring forth children. What greater unique gift can you give to your spouse on the wedding night than the total gift of yourself to others? So keep marriage and relations—their idea and their reality—holy always ... that beautiful covenant between man and woman, and yet also with God.

And so, husbands ... remember to: "...rejoice in the wife of your youth...a lovely hind, a graceful doe. Let her affection fill you at all times with delight, be infatuated always with her love." (Proverbs 5:18f) And you wives: Hear from your husband's heart as he takes your hand in his: "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;...the winter is past, the rain is over and gone...let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is beautiful..." (Song of Songs 2:10ff)

Editor's note: Rev. Glenn Jones is the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Santa Fe and former pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church in Los Alamos.