Harriette Cole: He says there's nobody else but I'm not his girlfriend
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been seeing a guy for the past four months, and while things started well, I'm still unsure of where I stand in his life.
We live in different cities, so our relationship has been long-distance, making it even harder to figure out what's happening between us.
Recently, I brought up the topic of our relationship status, hoping for some clarity. He told me we are dating exclusively, which was somewhat reassuring, but then he added that we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
This confused me because it feels like we're in this undefined gray area where I'm unsure if I should fully invest my emotions or hold back to protect myself.
To make things more complicated, I'm moving to his city in about nine months for work, so part of me feels like I'm just waiting around for things to maybe get more serious once we're in the same place.
I don't want to put my life on hold or end up embarrassed for holding on to something that might not be as meaningful to him as it is to me. What should I do?
— Is He Serious
DEAR IS HE SERIOUS: Have a direct conversation with this man.
Tell him what you like about your relationship and why it is valuable to you. Point out that it was confusing to you for him to say you are exclusive but not yet boyfriend and girlfriend. Ask him what that means to him.
More, ask him what he wants for your relationship. Remind him that you will soon be moving to his city, and tell him what you want: a committed relationship. Find out if he wants that as well. If not, it's OK. You will know and be able to act accordingly.
Be brave now. You deserve clarity.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I loved the letter from "Daily Journaling Habits," the person who wants to write in a journal every day.
I've been keeping a daily journal for over 35 years. The key for me is a journal with one page per day, and the pages are dated. The limit of space per day keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by how much I have to write each day. If I miss a day, I just leave the page blank, and I can always fill it in later — or not.
I've been publishing my own annual blank journal since 2013.
— The Almost-Blank Journal
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been journaling since adolescence. Writing has always been my outlet.
With voice-to-text technology, it is now expeditious to speak my thoughts into a Notes app file or in an email to myself, which I save in a personal file. Thus, I am more likely to make the time and effort to capture my thoughts and feelings than if I have to write them by hand.
— Lifetime Writer
: Thank you for your encouragement of journaling. I agree that it can be an invaluable way to let your thoughts and feelings flow, to release yourself from tension you may be holding in your being and to capture your creative thoughts.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
