My Plan To Revive The Dying Barstool New York: This Office Needs CPR (Bonus: NY Employee Rankings)
Let me start off this blog by setting something straight: this is not an attack on the New York office, nor is it a temperature check reading of anyone else's work ethic, especially my own. I have cooled down from Klemmer assaulting me live on The Yak yesterday , and after some self-reflection, I have decided to call off my fight with my half-brothers and half-sisters of this company. I have chosen Love.
If Smitty can forgive Dave, I can forgive Klemmer. So instead of continuing to tear others down, I will now focus on making this office a better place, as well as making sure I'm doing MY best work. Because after speaking to one of the highest ups of the entire organization yesterday, the message he sent me was very clear: the new ownership here at Barstool intends to be a little more selective with the renewal process now that his own dollars are the ones being used to fund this adult version of Make-A-Wish (for some people, relax. If that offended you though, it's you). Anyways, the fact of the matter is that it does me no good to worry about what others are doing because that's time and energy taken away from what I need to do myself.
Now, I am just one measly little employee of this huge media conglomerate, having no one reporting to me nor any responsibilities other than to make content. And with that job description, my generous boss Dave Portnoy has allowed me to travel to New York City for the entirety of the Guardians / Yankees series. I've been tasked with the arduous role, that apparently tires out a fair amount of this company to the point where they think they don't have to do anything else, of watching sports on television while eating catered food. I'm fully aware that some people may not be able to juggle all of that responsibility at once, but I figured that if Dave is going to foot the bill for a last minute flight from O'Hare to LaGuardia, along with what could be up to 9 days in Manhattan, I should at least return the favor with some extra work. So what I've done is I've taken it upon myself to complete an audit of the New York Office, and after three days in this desolate wasteland that would make an abandoned shopping mall feel jealous, I have not just diagnosed the problem within these walls that no one here during their daily 11-2 seems to be able to fix, but I also have the solution: this dying office needs CPR.
That's right, folks. With a little CPR, I think we can revive this NYC Office back from the dead! Here's a more detailed plan of the document I'll be posting on all the walls and in the bathrooms:
C - Content Creators:
Listen, and I can't be more clear about this, everyone....and I insincerely mean everyone....is doing a great job here in New York with their own personal brands. They have their podcasts, Feits does Out-of-Order (which is GREAT), they have their entire lineup of stand-up comedians, and yeah, that's what they have. Don't get me wrong: Rone, Francis, Rone, Francis, etc all are 10x funnier than me and make great content on their own, but what ever happened to having the entire roster come into the office to simply chop it up and see what happens next? Let's be serious for a second: it stinks how many people COULD be involved in the day to day, but they just do their work and leave, leaving the rest of the misfits to figure out what moves the needle. And I mean, the Prime Rib discussion yesterday was riveting.....
.....but it led to everyone leaving once again! All we got from that epic two hour trip to the deli was one little picture worth of content!
Pack a lunch and stay in the office to chop it up! Or everyone Uber Eats it at the same time and whoever's comes last has to pick up the bill. Make it interesting! And even Tuesday, the whole office went to do an Out-of-Order sketch, so it was just the Big 3 there for the entire day: me, Nate, and Hubbs. I tried my best to squeeze everything out of them that I could, but you can't make someone who throws batting practice all of a sudden throw 100 mph on the black!
This office needs the drama it once had. I was going to bring it up in the NY Content Meeting scheduled for Tuesday, but it was cancelled due to low attendance in the office (true story). And you can say Dan left for Chicago and Dave left for Miami all you want, but you know who else left? Everyone else. I'm genuinely looking forward to meeting KFC for the first time this week if he comes into the office today (Thursday).
P - People To Be Held Accountable
On my first day here, Gaz noted a few obvious things to me: the sky is blue, the grass is green concrete outside is black, and that the blog we all once loved was dying. Now I'm going to dumb this next part down for the readers because what happened afterwards was an extremely high level conversation that only true leaders will understand, but what I (the Coach of the 5x defending Licking County League Champions) discussed with Gaz (the head of the most powerful social media brand on the internet) is how success starts at the top. He point blank asked me what I would do differently if I were the Editor-In-Chief at this company, and aside from the fact that I'd bathe in the money it comes with, I simply said this: when something is wrong, leaders have two options: inspire....or light a fire. That's a little something I learned in my decade in the classroom. You either need to positively encourage your students/players/employees/bloggers to do a better job, or you need to get on their case until they either comply or quit. I get that it's different strokes for different folks, but me personally? I fall into the second category. Do your job and I won't say a word. But if the blog numbers are drastically down like they are? Post the rankings each week and let the public piranhas eat 'em up. Stop sending emails encouraging people that haven't written anything more than their signature on their bill after another 2 pm weekday Happy Hour to start blogging more. Tar and feather them! I'm not saying bullying is a good thing, but I do know that kids didn't dye their hair lime green and dress up as cats until the world decided we're not allowed to tell them that's fucking weird....
Tell people when they need to be better! "That which gets charted, gets done". That, Gaz, is how I'd run the ship.
R - Rewards For Those Who Do A Good Job:
Again, I get that there's more than one way to skin a cat. Public humiliation might not bring the best out of everyone. You could argue that there's other places of business for those people to work and Barstool isn't necessarily the place to Choose Love, but fine, it's 2024 and that's the way this company world has moved. Therefore, if we're not going to hold people accountable, can we at least do things to encourage productivity? I TRIED to start a new tradition of celebrating blogging by allowing those who finish an to ring the Blog Bell ala a cancer patient (seems like some people would rather choose the disease in this company!) ....but the good people of the office hid it from me. I got a Blog Horn instead , but it doesn't seem to be catching on as quickly as I'd hoped. And they stole that, too! Anyways, the NY Office bullying me aside....my point is: those who feel appreciated do more than what is expected of them. We're paying someone a quarter of a million dollars for playing Minute-to-Win-It games in the office for one week. We just gave out $20,000 for a Mini Golf Tournament. And we get catered lunch every damn day in the office. Well, at least WE do in Chicago. But my point is simple: we have the means to incentivize content. So let's chart the things you want done, and then reward those people publicly. Inspire or light a fire, but complacency killed the blog cat.
Anyways, that's my two cents on how to liven this place up again. The Yak does it in Chicago, but maybe some good ol' fashioned accountability could do it here in the Big Apple? And once again, I'd never ask anyone to do anything I wouldn't do myself. I tried to start some positivity in the work place with my Blog Bell....but that didn't work, so now I will introduce Tate's Great 8. These are the New York Office Rankings thus far, and I will publish them daily for the remainder of my stay, hoping to incentivize people to want to do good things in order to make the ballot. Please note: you have to be IN THE OFFICE for more than 15 minutes in order to be ranked in Tate's Great 8...sorry to...well, never mind. I'm not calling anyone out. This is positive reinforcement for Tate's Great 8!
I have to give credit where credit is due. I randomly chose a seat in the middle of the empty office Tuesday when I arrived and waited outside for the Security Officer to get there, and once the regulars started rolling in a few hours later, Gia sat down in her seat, which was apparently right next to me, and worked her tail off. I'm talking notebook, To Do List, video editing, idea brainstorming, etc. Things I only thought you saw in Chicago these days! But nope, Gia flat out grinded. Looked to me like she has full responsibility to do every single behind the scenes effort for the hit show, Taylor Watch . Like and Subscribe! I really do mean that...it's a great show and has a target audience and does well. I just didn't realize Gia did all the work. Truly seems like a full 5-day, 40-hour a week job for her, as opposed to the two hours of recording it takes to just talk on the show. Good job, G!
This is no offense to Nate, but I will only be speaking to Hubbs from now on all things regarding the blog. When asked why notorious straight-laced employees such as Big T and Karim have the power to publish blogs on their own, while little old me has to wait for Nate to get back from the gym, I think I became dumber in hearing the Chief mumble things like he'll talk to Dave at the end of the year and he's just the Editor not the boss and has no power. That's who is our appointed/paid leader? Admits he is helpless and can't do anything to fix the problem? But when dealing with the lesser of two evils, at least Hubbs' arguments are coherent. Plus, Hubbs stuck around and streamed the Yankees late Tuesday, staying even longer to blog it afterwards. Great day, Hubbs!
I just met Cody and TGA this week, and I'd only bumped into Doogs once in the Chicago office, but let me say this without any jokes: they all get "content" and they all work hard. Cody was stirring the pot during the Publishing Power debate, but he also had his phone ready to catch any drama and clip it instantly. Doogs sits on the streams for hours holding up a phone in the air (shit the content people would NEVER do) to the point where he has to jerk off 3x a day in order to maintain the necessary forearm strength, ordering food for us, and making everyone laugh. And Tech Guy Andrew has been my Peeps counter during the stream. Three people that get no credit, but I wanted to give them some shine.
When I arrived at the office Tuesday, after being told that my Key Card from Chicago would work and that the doors would be open to everyone at 8:00 (neither were true), All Business Pete took it upon himself to update the technology and fix the problem. Talk about a guy who gets things done! And my favorite thing about ABP is that he didn't even tell me he fixed it....he just did it. There's something to be said for people who do their job without screaming about it from the mountaintops. Kudos to you, Pete!
This is going to come as a shock to people within these walls, seeing as Greg was here and gone by noon, but yes, the former #1 pick was in fact in the office on Tuesday. People might get upset about Greg being ranked this high, seeing as he's technically an employee of Barstool....but he was like the 3rd person in the office, had a positive attitude, and made good content! And remember, a requirement to be in Tate's Great 8 is to be physically present in the office for more than 15 minutes! The pickings have been slim!
I don't know Jenks very well, but I do know that he's in the office, working by himself in the corner, the entire day. I asked him why he doesn't sit near the rest of the employees, and he said he's on the phone too much and doesn't have time to mingle. He's here to help Frank make great content, not his own. RESPECT! And another thing....I try to stay unbiased in these types of rankings, but Jenks may have been elevated in these for bringing Greg Oden (#4 ranked BSNY employee) over to talk to me immediately when he arrived. Figured I might be interested in talking to an Ohio State legend. And I was! Once again, this Jenks guy knows what he's doing And then it got me to thinking....with Frank the Tank losing hundreds of pounds and me gaining 50+ at Barstool already (pre-peeps), can Jenks become my handler one day? I don't mind doing all of this completely on my own, but man, if I had someone helping me as hard as Jenks works, the sky would be the limit!
Noah Graham. .Look I'm no Gaz fan because of the way he held me accountable over $500 in the middle of July for not blogging enough as a part time employee, withholding my pay in the process, but this guy is exactly what the New York Office needs. A man that knows how to stir the pot, but more importantly, isn't afraid to lead with an iron fist. I heard him interact with one of his social media employees about their weekly team and individual meetings and I thought to myself, wow, could you imagine if all aspects of this company had such a strong and principled leader? Well, I know that tech has meetings....and I know that sales has meetings....and I know that social has meetings....but the blog? We haven't had one meeting in my entire time here. Content? Again, I was excited to sit in on New York's weekly content meeting on Tuesday, but it was canceled due to low attendance in the office. When I asked if it would be made up for the next day, I was told it was pushed back until next week. Sad!
Listen I really didn't want to do this in the first set of rankings, but how could anyone take these seriously if I put anyone else at number 1 thus far this week? People haven't even seen the inside of the NY Office in months (fans and some employees), let alone the amount of content that can come out of it if you simply show up! But it wasn't just the millions upon millions of views in videos I made, or the constant cameras following me around, even if I go try and find a quite place to blog....I also led the office in blogs, did the Rundown, always the first one in, stay til near midnight blogging after the Guardians/Yankees streams, and have eaten 220 peeps. I have instantly walked into this office and rejuvenated the entire place, to the point where some people are calling for me to get double my salary to move to NY and be the principal of the office! Their words, not mine! I have people telling me in secret that this place has never been more full in months that it has since I'm calling people out. Heard that some people have matched their month long blog totals in the past two days, as well. I'm leading from the front! Side note: does anyone know where the Barstool Beast jacket is? I deserve it!
Okay, that's the rankings through Wednesday. We'll have more after today, tomorrow, and through my entire stay. Plus, hopefully with a little CPR and some incentivization to get into Tate's Great 8, we can get this office off of life support and back on it's feet!
