Opinion: 'We are not broken.' People with autism want a community that embraces them
When I was growing up, my mom worked at a company that supported adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
She says that when I was a child, I would ask her about her "friends who don't drive" when I talked about these grownups that she worked with.
Apparently, the only difference I noticed was that they did not drive cars. Throughout my school years, I would ride the bus to her work and spend my summers talking to and learning from them.
I am often asked what led me to devote my career to working with individuals with disabilities and their families. For years it was hard for me to articulate an answer because it had never been a conscious decision.
I chose to work in social justice, and what started out as a fun job out of college grew into an understanding of how slowly our communities are evolving to provide opportunities for individuals with disabilities. I realized how naïve I had been about how hard individuals and their families had to fight for basic human rights and kindness.
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Friends Life Community supports more than 65 adults who don't drive — we call them Friends — and their family members. I still get uncomfortable when families tell us that they are so appreciative that their loved ones have a safe place to be, a place where they know they are accepted for who they are, and a place where they are respected and valued.
It makes me uncomfortable because that is not something that should warrant a thank you. It should be the standard, not the exception.
Many people have heard the term autism or Autism Spectrum Disorder , but few people understand autism, and many autistic people still do not feel accepted.
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One of our team members at Friends Life Community who has a sister with autism put it this way, "Autism acceptance means knowing and understanding that there are people that see and experience the world in a unique way, and it is simply adequate. My mind goes to children in schools that must endure standardized testing because that is the accepted measure of success. Then, as adults, they must endure standardized workplaces emphasizing profits because that is the accepted measure of success. What if those standards do not measure success for a person?"
People with autism do not need to be fixed
It's not autism that is complicated. People are complicated. We all have quirks, challenges, temperaments, demands, traumas, and many other traits that make us human. And we all have strengths, perspectives, skills, and gifts to share that are valuable and make the world around us better. Let's not make acceptance complicated.
Jimmy, one of the Friends at Friends Life, said it simply: "People treat us differently. Don't do that! We are not broken people. We are just different and different is not broken."
To reiterate Jimmy's comment, people with autism are not broken and therefore they do not need to be fixed. What is broken are our systems that do not create equitable ways for everyone to participate. This is a lose-lose environment.
I recognize that I can't fully understand how Jimmy sees the world, how he thinks or why he makes the decisions that he makes. And Jimmy can't always relate to the way I think. But we both know what it feels like to be ignored, treated unkindly and disrespected. Jimmy said, "Acceptance feels good. I feel important, like I mean something — not just a throw-away."
I don't have to think the way Jimmy thinks to know that acceptance feels good and to know that I don't want either of us to feel that we are just a throw-away.Please take a moment to consider the practices your organization has in place to support neurodivergent employees and customers, as well as families caring for individuals with disabilities. If Friends Life Community can be a resource, we are here.
Waverly Ann Harris is the CEO of Friends Life Community, a nonprofit organization in Nashville that provides individuals with disabilities the opportunities and support they need and deserve through a holistic personal approach of instruction and support.
