Parent to Parent: Saying no to volunteering at school without the guilt

I have a tendency to go overboard helping out at school functions and activities. What's the best way to just say no and stick with it without feeling guilty?

From a reader: I can't put in as many hours as I used to. I was just honest with the school instead of trying to make up a lot of excuses. People seemed to accept it as long as I stuck with it. It's hard but if it's the best thing for you, you must stick with your guns. — Anonymous

From Jodie Lynn: This is a tricky one as the school is probably already dependent on you for certain things from the previous years.

Since volunteers are extremely important to so many things in school, tell them as soon as you can so they can work out the schedules.

However, I do agree with the reader above about being honest and sticking with your decisions. If you agree to do this and that one last time, you might slip back into exactly what you are trying to get out of.

It will definitely be hard as you have probably already built up a reputation of being there when things need to get organized. Even though it's easier said than done, there's no reason for you to feel guilty.

Tell the teachers which activities you would like to do and do not sign up for any others.

Consider encouraging others to volunteer and recommend them to the school. You could answer a few questions for the new people but don't be available to show them what's what unless you have the time and want to gradually ease them into it.

Just remember that it isn't selfish to take time for yourself. If you overburden yourself to the point of stress and exhaustion, you won't be in any shape to help anyone. No one at the school would want you to hurt the quality of your life for the sake of a little extra help.

CAN YOU HELP?

My partner thinks it's weird that our son has to study with music playing and thinks he can do a better job if things are quiet. It's his own theory as the music doesn't seem to bother anyone else. This has been a longstanding disagreement but I'm not sure what to do about it. Any suggestions?

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Jodie Lynn is an award-winning parenting columnist, author of five books and mother to three children. She and her family live in Wildwood.

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