Signs of abuse that aren’t black and blue

ORLANDO, Fla. (Ivanhoe Newswire) - October was National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. More than 12 million men and women are a victim of abuse each year in the United States. It impacts three in 10 women and one in 10 men.

When you suspect someone you know is going through domestic violence, you'll probably look for something physical, like broken bones or bruises. But what about non-physical signs?

Twenty-three people every minute become victim of rape, physical violence, verbal abuse, or stalking by someone they consider their partner. But not all signs of domestic violence are black and blue.

"A lot of times emotional, verbal, psychological abuse will break down the person's sense of self," said Kathleen McHugh, PhD, licensed psychologist.

If you know someone who suddenly has lower self-esteem and is repeatedly canceling plans outside of their partner? Is this partner making all important decisions and dismissing their opinions? These are signs that something more abusive may be happening behind closed doors.

Another nonphysical form of abuse? Financial abuse.

"Economic or financial abuse is the insistence on maintaining the only access to the money source," explained McHugh.

In cases of financial abuse, one partner has all the passwords to bank accounts and credit cards.

"You see that person being indecisive about spending money or asking for permission, those could be some of the more subtle signs," said McHugh.

Finally, if your friend tells you that they are going through domestic violence, never tell them what to do.

"We want them to heal, we don't want to just have them to do what we think they need to do," said McHugh.

The best things you can do to help are to be there for them, listen to them without criticizing them, let them know that in an emergency they can contact you, and connect them with a mental health professional.

If someone is in grave danger, you should call the police. But telling a victim what to do takes their agency away, which is exactly what the abuser is doing. McHugh said that while you can make suggestions, you need to honor where they are at and their own opinions.