The Cutting Board: The bitter fight for tasty stuffed chard leaves

Here on The Cutting Board, if you're unfamiliar with it, we find simple, delicious ways to prepare food, mostly vegetables.

And I like to think I know my way around the kitchen. I mean, my boss even pays me to write about cooking once a week, so I've got to be doing something right.

Thus, when my friend Kyan Glenn, owner of The Table Farm & Workshop in Bentown, asked me to find a way to feature Swiss chard, I thought, "Heck. Why not? I like a challenge."

Specifically, he asked me to help people "fall in love" with chard.

Notably, I think that's impossible, because leafy greens can't love you back. So, no. I cannot facilitate romantic relations with plants.

Also, I am not pleased with how this experiment turned out. In fact, that's why we skipped last week. I wanted a second run at this, but that didn't work, either.

Don't worry, I'll show you a foolproof way afterward that is much simpler than stuffed chard leaves.

Yeah, so this time on Friday Failures, let's talk about stuffed chard leaves.

I want to tell you all the good things about chard before I get to my complaints about this method of preparation.

Chard is a leafy green that is closely related to beets. It is primarily grown for its long, rugged leaves and its stalk, which can be used in place of celery.

"It's very similar to spinach in that its dark leaf is full of antioxidants and minerals that we could benefit from," Glenn said. "And it actually acts as a spinach alternative for any kind of meal.

"So if a recipe calls for spinach, you can sub the chard in for spinach with very minimal effect," he said.

Glenn grows it throughout the season and likes the extra crunch it gives when subbed for iceberg lettuce on a taco.

He harvests the outer leaves of the plant as it grows, so one plant lasts the whole growing season, he said.

Chard is packed with vitamins, minerals and fiber that are great for the human diet, which makes me sympathetic to my friend's request.

But here's the issue — all that goodness makes the plant taste so, so bitter.

You can combat the bitterness by cooking it down, and double-down the effort by using a rich fat like butter or bacon, but this is The Cutting Board, dagnabbit! And we try to cook for everyone, regardless of dietary restrictions.

I figured I'd try a preparation method that I'm familiar with, albeit with cabbage.

See, I'm pretty darn good at making Ukrainian cabbage rolls, called khaluptsi. These can be stuffed with cooked rice and ground meat, spiced and seasoned, then stewed in a flavorful broth. And I love them.

The difference with chard leaves, though, is they are less substantive than cabbage leaves.

My first filling was mashed potato-based, which was mistake No. 1. The chard leaves, instead of cutting, mushed under the knife. And that bitterness was still there.

So attempt No. 2 used a rice and mushroom filling.

First, I shocked the chard leaves in a pot of salted, boiling water for about 10 seconds before removing them to a large ice bath to stop the cooking process.

The stuffing was made with cooked rice, to which I added sautéed mushrooms with onion and bell pepper.

I cut out the chard stem so that only the leaf remained, placed about 2 tablespoons of my filling at the base of the leaf, then rolled it up, keeping the sides tucked.

Honestly, I think they looked really pretty.

I made a quick vegetable broth with some of the chard stems and seasoned it to taste.

I added the stuffed, rolled leaves on top of the simmering stems and let them stew for about 15 minutes.

Here's mistake No. 3: A cabbage leaf, because it is thicker and has more body, can take a longer cook than a chard leaf. And I didn't want these to turn into mush, which is what happens when you cook chard down for too long.

But to get the bitterness out of chard, like any dark green, you need to cook it for a long time, and you need to add some sort of fat to soften and round out the taste.

I did have a little butter in the stuffing, and there was more in the broth. But these stuffed chard rolls were still too bitter. If you can get past bitterness, this is fine. But I can't.

That's how I failed. And I told Glenn this over the phone — we're friends, after all.

He responded, "You could cook it in bacon, but I guess that's cheating." To which I said, "All cooking is cheating."

If we were meant to eat raw stuff all the time, I wouldn't be writing about cooking.

So here's how to cook chard properly, in my opinion.

You'll need about a half-pound of bacon, a bunch of chard leaves removed from the stems, a whole white onion, two large garlic cloves, salt to taste, red chili flakes, a good white vinegar and Worcestershire sauce.

Remove the leaves and wash them in a large bowl two or three times so the water becomes clearer. This is how I like to prepare bitter greens to make them softer.

Chop up the bacon and toss it into a heavy-bottomed stock pot. Over medium heat, render the fat and remove the bacon. Dice and sweat the onion and chard stems, if using. Once the onion becomes slightly translucent, crush the garlic into the pot.

Once the raw garlic fragrance softens, tear the chard leaves and add them to the pot, reducing the heat to low. Season with salt, chili flakes and a dash of vinegar. Stir to combine and cover.

Occasionally stir to ensure it doesn't burn.

Taste and adjust the seasoning as you go. Everything is ready when the leaves are silky, tender and have a good bite. Top with cooked bacon.

This makes a filling, almost stew-like bowl that stands on its own or adds to a feast. And yeah, I cheated. But I've heard of worse ways to get your greens.

If you're a farmer or a producer and would like to talk with me for this column, call me at 309-820-3275 or email . And be sure to check back next time to find out what we're chopping up on The Cutting Board.

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