Australian supermarket anchovy taste test: the cheapest brand is also the best for cooking

It was around halfway through the taste test, when I'd eaten about a dozen anchovies straight, I realised why I love fishy stuff so much: I'm a maximalist. No one seeking a delicate experience has reached for a jar of anchovies. They're some of the saltiest and most umami-rich foods you can find on a supermarket shelf.

Throwing them into a recipe is like writing in a death scene for a major character, it doesn't matter what happened before that point, all stakes have been raised from here on in, which made it tricky for a team of seven taste testers and me – not because each anchovy is too intense (this was one of the most enjoyable taste tests I've run) but because of the difficulty of comparing intense things – imagine comparing Carolina reaper chillies, mango pickles or orgasms.

Then there's the complication of scoring an ingredient with two distinct purposes: cooking and eating raw. We scored each anchovy on taste and intensity (we also scored for aroma and fishiness but neither were influential enough on the overall experience to be included in a final score), and reviewers had the option to eat their anchovies with water crackers, Turkish bread and butter and lemonade was provided as a palate cleanser between rounds.

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We blind tasted 11 brands of anchovies, but only nine are included below. Two Delicius products scored the highest by a fair margin, but because they're not widely available in Australia they were excluded from the results.

After eating 30 fillets of salted fish, I concluded almost any anchovy, regardless of intensity or price, is a suitable addition to a dish that needs salt and umami. Besides the worst-ranked brand, I'd happily eat any of the anchovies again now, tomorrow and in anything I'm cooking that isn't a Victoria sponge.

Best for eating straightOrtiz Anchovies in Olive Oil, 47.5g, $14 ($29.47 per 100g), available at Woolworths and select grocers

Score: 7.5/10

These were the most handsome fillets of the day, and were closest to the texture of a fresh fish – reviewers described them as "bouncy", "fleshy" and "low grit". While other anchovies were aggressive stereotypes, these had a little more depth. They were also some of the fishiest fillets of the day (one of a few brands to smell a little like cat food) but fishiness is the point. The price is the obstacle.

Best for cooking and the best valueRussino Fillets of Anchovies in Oil, 80g, $4.60 ($5.75 per 100g), available at Woolworths and select grocers

Score: 7/10

In this anchovy taste test by Serious Eats , reviewers couldn't distinguish sauces or dressings made with different anchovy brands. Which led me to conclude the best anchovy to cook with is the cheapest. Lucky for the frugal among us, the cheapest brand in this taste test is also a decent snacking fish, although unlike other anchovies which have a cheesy-fishy-meaty complexity, this is more of a singular savoury-salty punch. They led one reviewer to write "tastiest yet," only to cross it out and write "Average? The more I eat, the more nondescript it is."

The restConsorcio Anchovy in Oil, 45g, $11.99 ($26.64 per 100g), available at select grocers

Score: 7/10

If Ortiz is the Empire Strikes Back, a widely appreciated best-in-category pick, then Consorcio is its sequel, Return of the Jedi – it may be louder, more epic in scale and to some, more enjoyable, but very few people think it's better. While it lacks the nuance of Ortiz, it still has character. I thought it was one of the more umami-rich anchovies, and many of the others described it as being like a cured (land) meat. "Am I tasting prosciutto?" one reviewer wrote.

Capriccio Anchovy Fillets In Olive Oil Classic, 90g, $5.75 ($6.39 per 100g), available from major supermarkets

Score: 7/10

These anchovies smell like parmesan. I wouldn't say it's a cheesy eating experience but there is some savoury funky pungency. Reviewers described the flavour as "Vegemitey", and like the mineral, metallic taste of liver; another, a hobby spearfisher, wrote it "tastes like the smell of freshly caught bonito". Texturally it's more chewy than crumbly, which I love. While I'd eat Ortiz and Consorcio out of the jar, this feels more destined for toast or pizza.

John West Hand Packed Anchovies Fillets in Olive Oil, 45g, $3.95 ($8.78 per 100g), available in major supermarkets

Score: 6.5/10

Think of this taste test as a scale – the top has the most nuanced fish flavour and the bottom has the harshest. We're at the midpoint now. The depth of flavour is decreasing, to be slowly replaced by unadulterated salty-savoury wham (John West has more sodium per 100g than any other product we tried). Still an anchovy I'd happily eat. The only reason to buy this over Russino, which is cheaper and better, however, it's a more handsome fish. But judging a salted fish fillet with your eyes is like judging an ice sculpture with your tongue – it's possible but it ignores the main features.

Sole Mare Anchovy Fillets in Olive Oil, 70g, $5 ($7.14 per 100g), available from major supermarkets

Score: 6/10

I'm confused about this. Other than Always Fresh, Sole Mare had the least fishy aroma and flavour, and the second-lowest sodium per 100g. But it still managed to be one of the more intense anchovies. That may be due to the pungent parmesan-like smell (similar to Capriccio), or maybe the kind of salt they use which brings more va va voom. Either way it's a solid mid-range experience, like a trip on a Sydney bus – not something you'd ever recommend but when one is right in front of you, it'll take you to where you want to go.

Always Fresh Anchovies Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 100g, $6.50 ($6.50 per 100g), available from major supermarkets

Always Fresh: 5.5/10

Before the taste test, I'd assumed oil would be a big factor in how the anchovies fared and we'd discuss what kind of oil was used and how fresh it tasted. But it wasn't. I could barely tell the difference between the brands using olive oil and sunflower oil and none of the reviewers even mentioned oil. That is, until this brand. I never thought I'd say an anchovy could be overpowered by another ingredient but, as one reviewer wrote: "tastes like that [brand of] margarine that has olive oil in it. Like a diet anchovy. Waste of time." It's not a bad experience but it sort of feels like inviting a violinist to serenade a job interview, it might feel fancy but ultimately, it's not helpful.

Colomba Premium Anchovy Fillets, 80g, $5.65 ($7.06 per 100g), available from Coles and select grocers

Score: 5/10

The reviewers panned this: "THE SALT! Use with caution. Impossible to eat on its own," "So bitter. Hate this. Gritty, grey and sad", "Like eating a rock embedded in an ocean cave," and "I feel like this would survive a nuclear blast". But what's so funny to me is they still scored it a five out of 10 in taste. It's not horrific, it's just extreme, and I'd say that makes it useful to cook with. It's the cooking equivalent of adding a dubstep drop or some Jimmy Barnes screaming to a track of pan flutes, it gives intensity, instantly.

Talatta Fillets of Anchovies in Olive Oil, 48g, $4.29 ($8.94 per 100g), available from select grocers

Score: 4.5/10

When I said I'd happily eat almost any of these anchovies again, I meant every anchovy besides this one. This is what the reviewers wrote: "Like an uncomfortable Tarantino movie scene ... needs severe masking/dilution," "brutal" and "unbalanced, super metallic and uninspiring." It was like we were suddenly eating an entirely different product, but here's a mystery: the fish in this and Ortiz have almost exactly the same amount of protein, fat and sodium per 100g, an eerie similarity considering how much variation there is among the other brands. My conclusion is, it must be the oil. It's just yuck. Even if I'm wrong, it doesn't change how terrible this was – the one thorn in a garden of roses. As one reviewer wrote: "a disservice to the anchovy industry."