Chad Michael Murray Reveals the Meaning Behind His Cross Tattoo He Got When He Turned 25: It Was ‘Step One’

One of Chad Michael Murray 's tattoos is a reminder to him of the day he decided to change his life.

In a new interview on The Drew Barrymore Show, the actor, who is promoting his Netflix film The Merry Gentlemen (out Nov. 20), shared why the cross tattoo on his wrist is so symbolic.

"I remember it was my 25th birthday. I woke up and I just, I didn't feel good. I was like, I don't really like the guy that I am. I was pretty positive, like I don't like that guy and I knew who I wanted to be. I just didn't know how to get there," he said.

The One Tree Hill alum, 43, recalled that, growing up, he believed he could be "half the man" his father was, after watching him "making ends meet to just put food on the table" while raising him and his siblings as a single dad.

So while in Wilmington, N.C., Murray, who recommitted himself to Christianity in his mid-20s, decided to get the cross symbol inked on his body to remind himself of "the idea of [life] can be what you make it."

He says it was "step one" in becoming the man he envisioned himself becoming.

"I started surrounding myself with older people who I respected, who had lived lives and had made mistakes and errors along the way and just started trying to become a little bit more like them and seeing their jovial spirits bounce around and I just made a lot of different decisions. Now, did that push me away from a lot of people? Oh, yeah."

He added of his healing journey: "I was just doing it because I just wanted to be a great husband and a great father."

Murray also has a tattoo of the word "Relax" on his right wrist that he got on his 26th birthday. He posted a photo of both inks on Instagram in December 2019 and revealed that this one is a favorite of his wife Sarah Roemer 's. The couple, who celebrated their 10-year wedding anniversary in September, share three kids.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now !

In a May 2024 interview with The Cut, Murray detailed struggling with agoraphobia — an anxiety disorder that involves the fear of going into crowded spaces, or sometimes leaving one's home — following his success from One Tree Hill , admitting that everything seemed great on the outside but he was "far more fragile than I ever put on."

"I was around 23 and I had an event in Miami, but I couldn't leave my hotel room," he said. "The world felt like it was closing in; I was having anxiety attacks."

Murray also married his former costar Sophia Bush in his early 20s in 2005 after two years of dating. They separated five months later and finalized their divorce in 2006.

In the same interview with The Cut, Murray said he was a "baby" at that time .