David Noer: Keeping your cool in the heat of this moment
In the multiple academy award-winning movie "Network," news host turned societal guru Howard Beale directed his viewers to immediately open their windows and shout what became a classic phrase: "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
Forty-eight years later, those who believe in democracy, fairness and honesty are overwhelmed by political issues that activate their "mad as hell" buttons. Venting that anger by shouting obscenities out a window may temporarily reduce anxiety and result in a brief catharsis, but anger by itself not only won't facilitate "not taking it anymore," it will make the irritation worse.
Keeping cool when facing anger-generating issues is not easy. At the state level, we have a rural-dominated, gerrymandered legislature that has disempowered progressive urban voters in cities like Greensboro and Winston-Salem. Our public schools are being starved by inadequate funding while private schools are being fattened through increased taxpayer voucher subsidies. Our boisterously biased Republican gubernatorial candidate is anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ and has a history of antisemitic statements. Nationally, we have an ethically challenged Supreme Court that overturned its past decision on abortion rights and recently reversed the ban on bump stocks. The Republican presidential candidate is a narcissistic, twice-impeached, convicted felon who is bent on revenge.
Not a happy list but, if we allow those and related issues to dominate our emotional perspective, we will keep that mad as hell button fully engaged and lose the ability to make a difference. Unfiltered anger is toxic to problem-solving and, to be relevant, we need to take our finger off the button. Without abandoning our values, here are some actions we can take.
Avoid the anger trap. It's natural to feel a sense of outrage when core beliefs are violated but wallowing in anger for no productive purpose can be psychologically damaging and is a waste of energy. The dysfunctional who are trapped are so consumed with anger that they are frozen into irrelevance. I have a former, normally thoughtful and reflective colleague who reverts to profanity-laden rants whenever he is reminded of Trump or his MAGA cult. As a result he has lost credibility with his friends and is drifting toward ideological isolation and mild depression. To make a difference he needs to transform that anger to processes that lead to learning and collaboration.
Zip the mouth and open the ears. Become an engaged listener. All those who wear red hats or post Trump lawn signs are not the enemy. A small minority are violent extremists who want to start a dictator-oriented revolution, but most are just fellow citizens with very different ideas. Dropping the anger and reframing arguments and putdowns into active listening and reflective questions will reap two rewards. First, it can foster a deeper understanding of underlying dividing issues such as fear of socialism and distrust of federal government. Second, respectful, non-judgmental listening to their concerns could build a bridge for them to reciprocate and hear yours.
Avoid "Ain't it Awful" groups. Eric Berne, author of "Games People Play," says participants in "Ain't it Awful" games derive satisfaction and self-worth by constantly lamenting an event or situation they perceive as terrible and upsetting. Membership in a group that only bonds around its animosity toward Trump or Biden is a zero-sum process that blocks learning and understanding. For growth and impact, seek opportunities to affiliate and interact with those who have views and values different than yours.
Despite the awkwardness and difficulty of reaching out to those whose ideas are against your grain, the payoff is definitely worthwhile. Our country is experiencing a profound political and social ideological gap and the borders are solidifying. The way to help soften those boundaries isn't through anger, but understanding. It doesn't mean changing your basic beliefs but does require empathy for those who differ. With apologies to Mr. Beale, the path to "not taking it anymore" is paved not by anger, but by understanding.
David Noer, , of Greensboro writes a monthly column on leadership, organizational behavior and community issues.
