Stay-at-home dads gather in St. Louis for HomeDadCon
ST. LOUIS — More than a hundred men from across the country will gather at a downtown convention this weekend to network and learn more about their chosen career: fatherhood.
It's the first time HomeDadCon , in its 28th year, is being held in St. Louis. The three-day event is hosted by the National At-Home Dad Network, a nonprofit organization that supports and advocates for stay-at-home fathers.
"It can be a lonely profession," said Jeremy Haston of Granite City, who will be attending for the third time. "Finding that connection is vital."
Fathers who don't hold an outside job represent a small minority of U.S. dads, but their ranks have almost doubled over the past generation, to 7% from 4%, according to the Pew Research Center. Experts attribute the growth to a host of factors: evolving gender roles, increased earning potential for women, soaring child care costs and job changes during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The At-Home Dad Network , started by three Washington, D.C., dads in the early 2000s, swelled during the lockdown days of the pandemic. Some men found themselves at home for the first time because of furloughs or layoffs; they latched onto the group as a portal to the outside world.
The network offers near-daily opportunities for interaction, with a 10,000-member Facebook page, chat rooms, a peer-support group and a book club. Haston's favorite haunt might be the "Dad Lounge," which meets via Zoom two evenings a week. The dads share stories, unwind, sometimes have a drink.
Haston hadn't planned on being a stay-at-home father. But when his wife was pregnant with their daughter Vivienne, now 8, the couple realized that child care costs would eat up about 90% of his paycheck.
So he quit his job as an assistant manager at a men's clothing store when Vivienne was 3 months old. Haston relished being present for all of her milestones: first steps, first words, first discoveries.
Still, the isolation was tough.
"You're losing a lot of in-person connections," said Haston. "You don't have the ones you'd have at work."
And library story times, playground outings and zoo mornings are still heavily skewed toward moms, who make up about 80% of stay-at-home parents.
For Haston, the dad network is what filled the void, so much so that he remains an active member — he's leading a convention session this weekend on batch cooking — even though he went back to work when Vivienne started kindergarten.
"Once an at-home dad, always an at-home dad" is the group's motto, Haston said.
One chance a year to meet in 'real world'
There's no one profile of a stay-at-home dad, said Keith Nagel of Madison, Wisconsin, the network's president. He was a zookeeper before he had his two sons, now 8 and 10.
"It's a really wide mix of people," Nagel said.
Some of the dads are military spouses who have to regularly relocate; others are men who lost jobs and decided to take a longer hiatus. A few always knew that at-home fatherhood was their calling.
The network's members hail from across the country, though the Midwest — with a cost of living that's more manageable for one-income families — is well-represented.
The roles of fathers have been evolving since women entered the workforce in significant numbers in the 1970s and '80s.
"There are societal shifts in how we're open and embracing what parenthood looks like," said Tyriesa Howard, an expert on fatherhood engagement who teaches at Washington University.
But gaps remain: There are plenty of dads in the school drop-off lane, but few on the PTO.
And some members of the at-home network still receive sideways looks when they tell people what they do, Nagel said.
The organization aims to counter the perception that there's something weird about men staying home with their kids. It sells T-shirts with the trademarked phrase: Dads don't babysit.
"There's more acceptance, but it's glacial," said David Lambert, a psychology professor at Edgewood College in Wisconsin.
Lambert, who regularly hosts panels on fatherhood during his classes, will give a presentation at the convention on masculinity and gender ideology.
"The more we promote involved fathering as masculinity — that's the direction we want to go in," he said.
Other speakers will cover topics from improving communication with your kids to understanding autism spectrum disorder.
Jeff Rainbolt of Wildwood, a former teacher, is the at-home father of a 5-year-old girl. He helped coordinate the details for HomeDadCon, which is being held at the Drury Plaza Hotel downtown. It's his fifth convention and, as a local, he feels some pressure.
"It's the one chance a year the guys get to see each other in the real world," Rainbolt said. "I need to make sure they have a great time."
The welcome event is at City Museum. A "Dads Run St. Louis" 5K will be held near the Gateway Arch. And the men will spend one morning assembling furniture to donate to the Maplewood-based nonprofit Home Sweet Home .
But the main focus, Rainbolt said, is the profession.
"We're mostly here to learn more about what we do," he said. "Everyone will have something that they get out of this."
