How do we all come back together?
Itâ€TMs no secret that political discourse in recent years has become increasingly divisive. In many areas of our region, weâ€TMve heard reports of Trump signs being destroyed and Harris signs being stolen; even the signage for some local candidates was defaced or removed. Communications become so heated that personal relationships begin to suffer. Family or friends voting on the opposite side of your political spectrum suddenly become proxies for the candidate â€" a localized outlet for your internalized rage, fueled by the tone amplified on national media or at campaign rallies. It may be easy to forget the connections that once bonded us.
To help mend those frayed relationships, we asked local community advocates and faith leaders to share their advice on how we can all come back together after this election. They shared their best tips on how family and friends, coworkers and community members can better understand each other, and, hopefully, live harmoniously once again.
Really listen
Robert Weintraub is a moderator for Braver Angels, a nonprofit organization that holds workshops aimed at uniting Americans on opposing sides of the political spectrum in an effort to "depolarize" the country. On how to come back together after the election, he shared the following:
"Thereâ€TMs one thing thatâ€TMs unlikely to change after this election: much of the country will have contempt for †̃the other side.â€TM Through the thick lenses we have constructed for ourselves, many will see either uncaring, racist, misogynistic, anti-science, duped conservatives; or arrogant, unpatriotic, fiscally irresponsible, anti-religious, duped liberals. The problem is that those lenses are tinted or, more aptly, stained by stereotyping. While we know there is often some basis in truth for stereotypes, it is implausible that they describe the tens of millions of people we see as the †̃.â€TM Do we really know them? Have we listened to their stories â€" really listened?"
He said, through one-on-one conversations, participants of the workshops "begin to see how varied the population on the other side really is. They acknowledge that the political views and motivations of those outside their †̃bubblesâ€TM are more complicated than the rhetoric theyâ€TMve heard. They recognize how the life experiences informing the views of the †̃othersâ€TM differ from their own, and how that leads to their different beliefs. In other words, they look at their fellow Americans through clearer and wider lenses."
When asked how to start these conversations with loved ones, he said, "They need to counter any suggestion of †̃no politics here,â€TM with the notion that itâ€TMs important for our family relationships, not to mention our democracy, for people of differing views to civilly and honestly converse with one another over the issues that divide us. This starts with listening â€" really listening â€" and making sure everyone understands what the speaker has said. That may be by paraphrasing what they heard and confirming that understanding with the speaker; and/or agreeing with some part of what was said before stating what they donâ€TMt agree with.
"The facilitator should try to make sure everyone has a chance to have their say, if they want to, and assert that no one is expecting anyone to change their minds. The goal is better understanding. If there is someone who is souring the conversation to a degree that is unacceptable, the facilitator should try to encourage the listening and the search for common ground; but should shut the conversation down if that is not possible â€" maybe with a little humor and changing the subject, or by saying that perhaps we should find a better time and place for this discussion."
Weintraub will hold one of his Braver Angels workshops at the Albert Wisner Public Library in Warwick, N.Y., on Nov. 9 at 11 a.m. Registration is available through the library website at albertwisnerlibrary.org.
Reflect the love of God
Rev. John J. Babbitts Jr., pastor at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Hamburg, N.J., had this to say:
"No doubt the outcome of the election has left some fearful of the future and some hopeful. The rhetoric was exceptionally heated because many of us could hide behind technology and never see or talk to those with whom we disagreed to find we have more common ground than what divides us. In a nation of such ethnic diversity as ours, it is the U.S. Constitution and our reliance upon God that binds us together as a people. We recognize that there is more to life than material possessions and someone greater than ourselves who guides all things. The question is: What do we do now? To accomplish, as Lincoln said, †̃to bind up the nationâ€TMs wounds.â€TM
"The first step as Benjamin Franklin observed at the end of the Constitutional Convention is that we have to doubt some of our own infallibility. As a people with different opinions, we need to agree to disagree on some topics and learn from mistakes made. We need to care for each other at our needs as Christ did for those He met. We need to seek to build each other up. Finally, we need to reflect the love of the Triune God which has not been reflected perfectly by His followers. Jesus was willing to die to rescue us from our sins and failings rather than live without us. As a people, we need to find healing in that love and share it with each other."
Reach for our own stars
Valerie Macchio, executive director of the Sparta Community Food Pantry said, "I think that we as a country need to see each other and respect individual opinions without anger and name calling. We teach our children to be kind, yet as adults we are forgetting this basic rule.
"Everyone is going through something. We may not know what so we need to help and support each other rather than yelling. The American dream is not just for Americans! We all are entitled to reach for our own stars. And sometimes we all need help. As Americans, we should remember this not just in good times but every day."
See conflict as an opportunity
Sussex County, N.J., historian Bill Truran, with his knowledge of history, had this to share:
"Reaching the end of a tumultuous journey can be exhausting, especially if what you may have desired did not come to be. Life has many unfulfilled wants and needs. At the same time, if one can grab a brass ring and †̃win,â€TM it may not be the satisfaction that had been thought.
"I have come to understand several truths. One is the concept of shared values. Resting upon common ground can assure success in addition to building pleasing relationships. Respect, empathy and honesty can foster a sense of community. We have such a wonderful country â€" we are a brilliant city upon the hill, and cooperation and working together will propel us onto newer and better conditions â€" this is my deep belief.
"On a personal basis, Iâ€TMve grown to realize that there are knowledge, skills and talents that each of us have, although each varies widely in tastes and preferences. We can learn from others while at the same time grow closer to those whom we encounter along lifeâ€TMs path. On the other hand, as Matthew 12:25 states, a house divided will not stand, a phrase that Abraham Lincoln stated during the strain of a divided nation in his time. We might take this time of conflict to be an opportunity, a chance to see new combinations, to blend old ways, and help America maintain, in the eyes of many, as the greatest nation on Earth."
